This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Friday, September 5, 1980

September 5, 1980

Dear Betsy,

I imagine you are getting anxious to move.  I hope I can see you when you come.  Grandma and Grandpa would love to see you also.  How is school?  Sandy started yesterday and she already has a lot of homework.  I am now working the night shift 11-7:30 am.  I go to bed between 12-1 PM and get up at 5 or 6 PM and eat supper.

Sandy runs lots of errands for me.  She is on a diet.  She wants to be thin like you.  My knee still has a scab and will leave a scar.  I can't swim now becasue I got athletes foot really bad.  I didn't get to see your dad when he brought the car.  I was asleep.  Sand saw him for three hours.  What do you want for Christmas? Mommy has not much money as I lost time from work and no pay.  Why don't you write me?  I miss your letters.  Don't you love me.  Please try and write me.  Is Kirstie okay?  She never writes.  Do you still sew all the time?  I am glad you have the machine.  I have to go and use Grandma's when I need one.  I am starting to knit again.  My left hand is almost well.  I am thankful.  Please tell dad how much I want the Mormon books.  I bought most all of them and I want to read them.  He has all the other books.  Well, I hope you are well.  Please remember I love you.  I gave you life and you are precious to me.  I love you.

All my love,
Mom

Tuesday, August 12, 1980

August 13, 1980

Dear Betsy,

Thank you so much for your nice card. It came a few days ago.  I am still unable to work and do very much.  I see the doctor today and get the stitches out.  I am on 12 antibiotic pills a day.  Sandy is taking four a day because she had staph and strep in her throat.  This is her last day and I have one month more to go.  They sure are hard on my tummy.  I have to take a lot of Benadryl and it makes me sleepy.

Sandy is on an exercise program and beauty treatment.  She needs to lose weight.  She things you should be a model.

We are eating only what food we have as much as can be.  I'll be glad to get some food storage here.  It is hard not getting a pay check for a long time.

We had eight loads of laundry to do and three loads yet to go.  It costs $.75 per load and only one washer and dryer.

Sandy was glad to get her bike but the tire is always flat.  She goes to the store almost every day for something.  She has been a big help.  I was in the hospital for eight days.  I hope my leg soon heals and I can work and go back to swimming every day.  We had to get ice here all the time to cool my feet.

I am out of room.  Remember I love you very much.  Hope I can see you soon.  I miss you.  (My pen blotched the letter).  Write me soon.  Remember I love you.

Love,
Mom

Sunday, July 27, 1980

July 27, 1980

Dear Betsy,

Well, here I am in the hospital in bed with my legs raised up.  I have four doctors and have a horrible left knee.

Just saw 2 doctors.  They started antibiotics, x-rays, etc.  It is a staph infection in the pre-pattelar bursa; very unusual.  I can't go home for awhile.  Sandy is at Grandma's.  I see very little of her since this happened.  They drew seven tubes of blood again today.

I hope you are well.  Are you anxious to move?  I bet you will find many new friends.  You made a darling outfit for Sandy bit is it way too small.  You sew very well.  I wonder if the outfit will fit Sandy.

I am very tired here and have trouble staying awake.  I really slept last night.  I hope you are enjoying your summer vacation.  I wish I could see you.  It has been four 1/2 months since I saw you.  How is Gretchen?  Does she get her walks?  Please write me.  Remember I love you so much and miss you.  Hugs and kiss Kirstie special for me.  Write as soon as you can.  I love you and miss you.

Love,
Mom

Thursday, July 24, 1980

July 24, 1980

Dear Betsy, Sandy and Kirstie,

I hope that you are all well and happy.  I wish you would write me.  I sure miss you.  Don't you miss me?  I look every day for mail.  Thank you for writing, Betsy.  Sister Mower wrote and Sister Gould send three patterns for Christmas Gifts.  I have a place to live but very little money.

I will try to type again with this typewriter.  Tonight Joyce is taking me to the York Steak House for supper.  It is cool and cloudy also which I dearly love.  The heat makes me worse.  Another friend, Millie, is coming over this afternoon and we may go to the mall with the wheel chair.  This Saturday the handicapped will take me where ever I want to go between 5:30 and 11 pm.  They will take your child or friend also free of charge.  It is a great service.  Two weeks ago they took me to the Mall.  Joyce is taking me to Franklin Park Mall tonight after we eat.  I haven't been out much because of the heat but today is perfect and I thank God for a day like today.  I am still reading The Wildest Heart.  It is very good only I am so lonely.    I am knitting also and trying to do some cross-stitch embroidery for a dresser scarf.  I saw Aunt Ida last night and she gave me some old issues of Better Homes and Garden to look at to pass the time.  I reduced my thyroid to a yellow one.  Sandy, do you still take your thyroid?  I hope so.  You need to take it.  Are you going to watch the Royal Wedding on TV?  It should be history to see for all of you.  I have your animals on my bed all the time either when it is made or while I am sleeping.  They are so precious to me.  I wash all my dishes by hand but I have paper plates and cups for Millie so it doesn't cost me any money.  When are you coming to see  me?  You can come anytime.  I want to see you so much that I can't even begin to tell you or show you.  I really miss all of you and want you to know that I love you dearly.  Sally Mower sent me bread from California.  It is my favorite.  Marie Gould calls about once a month.  I use your coffee mugs everyday, Sandy and thing of you all the time.  How come you can't write me?  Don't you want to or don't you love me as you did before.  I have to decide on an apartment soon and the same size one or bigger.  I wish you would write me -- all of you.  I miss not hearing from you.  I go to the mail box every day after he comes and there is no letter from any of you.  I hope you are doing okay.  Betsy are you on any different medication now?  How are you all enjoying Shirley being there?  I bet it is fun.  This is a hard typewriter to use.  It is electric and  I borrowed it from All Saints.  My bottom is still sore from the bipsies but better.

Well, I am out of news.  Grandma is still on a bland diet and feels better than she did a week ago.  She stopped coffee.  I eat a lot of fruit and love it.  Well, I really must close and change clothes before Millie comes.

Please … PLEASE WRITE ME … PLEASE.  I also do word games like you do Sandy.  They are fun but I miss being all alone.  Remember that I love you all dearly and miss you.

All my love,
Your mom

Monday, July 7, 1980

July 7, 1980

Dear Sally,

I was so happy to get your letter and the pictures and the check.  Are you sure that is not too much money?  It couldn't have come at a better time.  I injured my left arm from elbow down causing paralysis of hand and fingers.  I am in a splint.  It happened while I was asleep Saturday am.  I saw the doctor and haven't worked since.  Then today I was to see a neurologist at the hospital where I work and I got in an accident with my dad's car.  I hit the rear end of a 1980 T bird.  He has little damage but I have plenty to Dad's car.  So I didn't get to see the doctor, got a $40 fine and will have to pay $100 deductible on the insurance.  Now as time as worn on, I have a stiff and sore neck also.  So I can't work and no money from Garry.  I am also suppose to be out of this apartment by the 14th and into a 2 bedroom small unfurnished one close to church etc for Sandy.  She is happy.  So I have all this packing to do and one hand.  Plus, Sandy is gone 11 days babysitting a one year old whose mother has cancer and is in the hospital.  I got her the job and she lives there.  She did this for 8 days about 1 1/2 weeks ago.  It is very sad.  The mother is 25 years old and can only get this cancer when pregnant.  The baby is fine.  Because of my faith and all I pray she will be healed although everyone says she'll never make it.  Pray for her (Patty Pope).  She is searching for God too.

Garry is sending about $1000 worth in weight of some furniture, dishes, towels, etc.  He wants those Mormon books and he is getting everything else.  I want my Mormon books.  I wish you could sneak out one every so many days.  Ask Kirstie to let you borrow one and send it to me.  I have paid for those myself and that is all I care about.

Betsy really sews.  That bathing suit is cute she made.  She is even getting my machine.  I get very little.  I will sell the ref rig & dining room hutch and table and chairs.

It is hot here.  I stay up 1/2 the night and sleep days.  My thyroid is very low and am taking more.  By Saturday I will be on your dose.

I have new glasses and Sandy is getting hers.  My hospital plan covers us for $5 deductible every 2 years for exam, glasses, frames, and tint.  I wear them all the time.

I packed 10 boxes of food tonight.  Maybe dad can move it tomorrow or so.  There is lot stored here.  Garry says Mike is selling real estate.  I guess Garry is listing the house without my signature.  Can that be done?

I really need a blessing and miss Mike as Home Teacher.  I am now in Ward 2 but go back to Ward 1 and Sandy is thrilled.

Ruby Gormon did write and I hope to answer her letter tomorrow.  She is a sweetie and has always been one.  I miss you all.  True friends are hard to find and you were mine (and still are).  I love you Sally.  It is so quiet here without Sandy.  She causes little trouble.  She has gained weight.  She hasn't started her periods yet so I imagine she will soon and lose some weight after she does.  She will eat junk if you let her but I never do as I can't afford it.

July 8th

I am at the hospital emergency room to get my hand seen plus my neck.  It was 82 at 7 AM and humid.  It was lovely last night.

Garry even wants the Mormon books.  Last night he said if I had gone to church all the time this would never had happened.  Of course, Alison is there so much.  It is really sad.  I miss Betsy and Kirstie so much.  Kirstie wrote me twice since March 12 and says little on the phone when I call her.  I hope she is all right.  Betsy seems okay and adjusted.  I can't go back and forth to California and keep this job.  So I settle for little and I plan to talk to the Bishop. His wife is in the hospital.

Garry has all those leather books an everything else in books and tools so I can't wee why I can't have the Mormon books.  He never bought one of them.  He never read any of them either.

Ginny is really growing up.  Did I tell you how big she looks and so pretty.  She sounds like she keeps busy.  I feel for Sandy as she has no one.  She is very bored.

I am now in the neurology clinic after ER sent me home for 2 hours and now I see what the doctor will say.  I have lost 4 days of pay now.  The doctor just examined me and is consulting another.  I hope I can be allowed to work somewhere as my money is almost gone.  My feet are on fire today.  It is 92 outside.

Well, I guess I am out of news.  Not much in the way of positive news.  I'll wait until I hear what the prognosis is and if I can work before I seal this.  Take care and write me again soon. I love to hear from you.  I think of you so much.  Please write.

Sunday, June 29, 1980

June 29, 1980

Dear Betsy,

I was thrilled to get your letter.  You are really sewing a lot.  I am proud of you.  You inherited it from me and Great Grandpa Deakin.

I work five days a week and work hard.  I am so busy on days off.  Today we went to church.  I have been working 3-11:30 but hope to work 7:00-3:30 in August.  I work on a cancer floor.  Sandy babysat for 8 days for one of my patients.  One year old boy.  She is very sick.  Sandy goes to Cedar Point on July 7th with church group.  I am reading Nurse.   I saw Kramer vs Kramer.  I have the book.  I saw the doctor Friday.  I need a lot more thyroid but I have to do it slowly.

I went swimming tonight and last night at a new YMCA.  Sandy loved it.

You asked how Sandy uses her time.  She wastes a lot of it as she is bored.  Tomorrow she will go and pick fresh strawberries and go to Lanes Drug Store.  Plus she gets her eyes examined at 1:30.  Then, I go to work at 2:30.

We have found a nice small two bedroom apartment in a quiet building.  We both like it.  But I need my furniture fast.  Remember I love you dearly and sure miss you.

All my love to you,
Mommy

Thursday, June 12, 1980

June 12, 1980

Dear Betsy,

How are you?  I haven't heard from you.  I hope you like this speical book marker.  I miss you very much.  I hope you are well and enjoying your vacation.  I hear you are going to summer school.  As you know your dad wants a divorce since I am not well.  He also wants you and Kirstie.  I hope you understand all this mess.  I love you dearly.  I hope I can see you soon.  Your Dad arrives tonight and I will see him tomorrow.  I guess we will sign all the papers.

Grandma and Grandpa are busy.  Grandpa Deakin is OK.  Sunday is Father's Day.  I am working now & Sandy and I live in a one bedroom furnished apartment.  It is small and we have little.  We will move when some furniture comes.  Please write me and take care of yourself.  Send me a picture of you please for my wallet.

I love you so much.

Love,
Your mom

Saturday, May 31, 1980

You are so Kind

Dear Mom,
You are so nice.  You take care of me when I feel bad.  You make me feel good.  You are warm and understanding and I am thankful you are my mother.
I love you when you think of me, because it makes me feel good.  I love you with all my love.
Here is a poem:

You are my mother
You are so kind
You've no other
And your heart is easy to find

Friday, May 30, 1980

May 30, 1980

Dear Betsy,

It was nice to get your letter this week.  It is good that your grades are so good.  I am proud of you.  Sandy is doing OK and seems bored.  Sounds like you are moving to Washington DC.  Your dad said you want to live with him and are happy.  I miss you very much.  You sound like you are sewing.  I am glad.  I never have time.  Sandy went out for supper for her birthday to Bill Knapp's and had fun.  She plans to buy a dress with her money.  I guess I will need to find an apartment if furniture is coming in July.  I bet you are sad to leave all your friends.  What will you do about Rainbows?  I am glad you will be closer to me.  Maybe I can see you soon and more often.  Have you become a good cook?

Aunt Ida bought an organ and is anxious to play it.  My thyroid tests came back low as I have to increase it some more.  We have a tornado watch in effect now.  It is humid.  Sandy cut the top of her hair so now I will have her hair cut short and get her a light permanent.  She had to start medicine for sinus drip in her throat .  It is hot and humid here.  My feet still bother me all the time.  I keep praying God will heal them.

Take care and write again soon.

Love,
Mommy

I LOVE YOU!!!

Monday, May 19, 1980

May 19, 1980

Dear Betsy,

It was nice to talk with you last week.  It seems so long since I saw you.  I do miss you.  I am proud of your school grades.  I am glad you are busy with Rainbows and keeping busy.  Did you enjoy Grandma Lingel?  I saw your cousin, Mark yesterday at McDonalds where he works.  He is a big boy.  He will be 17 in September.  Sandy worries about her yearbook.  Did you get it for her yet?  Her school ends June 6th so she has 3 weeks left.

I see a cardiovascular doctor on June 5th and take a lot of tests on May 27th.  My feet are miserable.  I can't drink any coffee and I miss my  little bit.  I read books a lot.  I'd like to get a job part time in nursing.  It is hard though to find one.

I hope you are well and eating and taking your medicine.  Do you remember to take it?

Remember I love you very much.  Please write me soon.  I never hear from you.  Are you babysitting much?  Sandy misses it.  Are you going to church?  Please write.

Love,
Mom