July 19, 1981

Dear Sandy,

Just a short note on a borrowed typewriter to let you know that I love you.  I went with the Handicapped Society last night to Southwich from 7-10 pm.  I have to use gloves or my hands get cut.  I also get burned on the burners.  I don't use the dishwasher for just my dishes so I do them after a meal.  A couple of friends gave me paper plates and cups to help.  I still use my mugs all the time.  I also get to go to the mall today because I was bored and nervous.  It was packed because of a sidewalk sale.  I returned my TABU and got a larger one for the 2 small ones.  The small ones turned me brown but the newer one doesn't.  It was the same price.  I love that smell.  I use all my colognes.  I wash up before bed.  Tonight I am going to go to bed by midnight and get up about 5:30 am because it is cooler then and eat my breakfast here and make the bed and do the dishes and pick up the clutter and then go to Sourdough Charlies.  I can get all the coffee and Sanka I want for a dime from 6:30 - 8:00 am and it is good and they will let me read as long as I want.  Remember all the times we went and all the times you got me coffee.  Such good memories.  I am really nervous lately.  I don't know why.  I can't sleep either.  Grandma is still sick and her stomach hurts.  Dr. Jones says it is colitis.  I am reading "The Wildest Heart" by Rose Mary Rogers.  I really like it.  I am almost done with "Chesapeake."  Did you see the movie "The Other Side of the Mountain 2" this past week?  It was good.  I am knitting also and trying to sew but it is hard to do.  I am glad you are happy.  I surely do miss you and your company.  It is lonely here and quiet.  Time drags.  The sun has been in for 2 days and my feet are better.  Remember you can come here anytime.  I want you.  Patti want you for babysitting.  Do you save your money?  I have none at the present time.  Someone can come and get you anytime you want.  I hope Betsy is okay.  Is Shirley having fun?  Are you in Rainbow there?  Do you hear form Nancy Reed?  Millie Edwards is finally back in town as of yesterday.  We are good friends.  I also have a good friend named Joyce Neal who was a patient at MCO that I took care of.  She does a lot for me.  She is planning on taking me to the Franklin Park Mall tomorrow night and we are sting at the York Steak House there also.  She is treating since I am so poor.  She brought me potatoes, corn and onions the other day.  She brings her daughter, Jackie, who is 12 and very mature.  A really nice girl.  Charlotte and Ron were on a trip in Kentucky an were hit by a car and lost their car but no one was hurt.  Lori is now married and happy.  Dad put the mill and mixer down the basement because I can not handle them.  I can't lift with my hands anything heavy so I can't use heavy bowls or pans.  I don't get the newspaper unless Dad brings it after he reads it.  Do you ever go to church there?  I go to the Lutheran most of the time if it is cool outside.  Judy Pelet gave me Joni book 2 to read but she is acting strange since I am back.  She and Audrey seem to think God can make me well and not to see a psychiatrist or take any pills for the head.  It is okay to take them for anything else.  I don't agree with them.  I am really nervous inside. This is very hard to accept being handicapped with my hand now also.  I feel so helpless and yet I try to do everything I can for myself.  I may get a different apartment that has better heating and cooling for my feet.  Winter will hurt them as it did last year.  I can't afford any new and none are available before Sept.  The rent here is good for what I have.  I should offer an ad for someone to live with me to keep me company and help with the vacuuming.  I want a new cleaner and typewriter.  I want to sell the violin since I won't be able to play with my hands.  It is worse than when you saw it last.  Without the brace it drops.  I talked to Lois at the Health Food Store twice lately and she really liked you.  She helps me.  I got honey, sunflower seeds, yogurt, juice, peanut butter, carob powder for milk, chewable vit C like you like.  I had coupons for most of them.  I got 7 grain bread also.  Well, I must close and soak my sore bottom in the tub and read my book.  I will write Kirstie tonight.  Plese write me soon.  I miss your letters.  Please!  Remember I love you and miss you.

All my love for you,

Mommykins

July 17, 1981

Dear Betsy,

Thank you for your letter.  I was so happy to get it.  Being in St. Mary's in Rochester was a real experience.  I have been checked all over.  I have home one week.  It is real hot here.  My hand is permanently damaged and this is my best writing.  I hope I can borrow a typewriter soon.  This is hard for me to do.  My left hand is weak.  My dad took me to the mall.  Thursday night and put my wheel chair up.  I shopped all over but have no money.  I saw so many lovely Rainbow things.  I didn't even price them.  I don't have enough money for August's rent.  I hope I can see you soon.  It has been too long.  Are you enjoying Shirley's visit.  I hope you do.  Are you sewing?  I can't cut with the scissors but try.  I want to make Christmas presents.  I am fortunate that I learned to throw my yarn with my left forefinger.  So I knit and read a lot.

I go outside in early morning or late night if I go at all.  I have lots of trouble walking.

Grandma is very sick.  She had to go to the hospital a few days ago.  She has colitis and is on a bland diet.  I'll write soon.  I hope you will write soon.  I love you very much and always will WRITE .

All my love,
Mom

July 5, 1981

Hi,

Just a short note while in this 930 bed hospital to tell all three of you how much I miss and care about you and I love you so much.  I hope you are all OK and having a good summer.  I keep singing "Somewhere over the Rainbow".  I read Emergency Nurse and it was really good.  Grandpa drove here Thursday.  Mimi was put to sleep.   She was too old.  This medical center is so big.  I miss you and love you.  Remember me please in your prayers.

Love your mom
Forever

June 30, 1981

Dear Betsy,

I am in St. Mary's Hospital here in Rochester, Minnesota.  It is a 930 beds.  Big!  They will be doing lots of tests and try to control my legs and feet as they hurt.  Grandma is with me.  She is a big help.  We read too.  I hope I can see you soon.  Escuse my writing.  My room is #2150. I love you very much and Miss you.

Love,
Mom

June 16, 1981

Dear Betsy, Sandy and Kirstie,

I am writing to all of you on the same stationary as I wanted to send these three little gifts to you to let you know that I think of you all the time and I miss you very much.  I wish I could see you.  I am supposed to go to MAYO clinic on the 28th of June through Detroit.  I will probably be there one week.  I am scared of what they will say as my feet really hurt.  Tomorrow is prayer group at 6:30 and I hope I can make it there.

Today I went no where as it was so humid and hot and my feet were really sore.  I made banana not bread a few nights ago.  I cleaned the apartment last night but I messed it up today.  I am still trying to read and getting fat.  How are all of you?  Is school over yet?  When are you coming here?  I see the doctors tomorrow and also go to physical therapy for my hand.  It cooled off a lot tonight.  It has been so hot and humid here.  We had lots of rain.  Grandpa is going to play golf in the morning.  He will enjoy it very much.  I have a prayer group at 6:30 AM.  A friend is taking me to breakfast on Thursday.  It is a sourdough Charlie's and they have a good breakfast so all say.  Uncle Dick's birthday is Saturday and he will be 37 years old.  It is already midnight and I am still up.  I have to soak my feet yet and set up my breakfast so I can eat easier when I get home from the prayer group.  Sandy, I hope to send you Heidi like you said you wanted.  Are you coming back here to live with me or what  Please express how you really feel.  I wish all of you would write me.  I look every day for a letter.  I need to do my devotionals more than I do.  I read but not enough.  I want to sew and mend some clothes.  I need material as Betsy has all I liked and used.  Well, for the past 2 days Sandy hasn't called me in the morning.  What happened?  Is it too much trouble?  I am nothing but problems.  I am on some new medicine and they make me sleepy during the day.  All morning I am so tired and have to force myself to move.  I have lots of phone calls to make.  I miss you all so much.  Why does this have to happen like this?  Why couldn't we have been a happy family?  I am so lonely.  At least you are all together.  I am scare to go to MAYO.  It really costs a lot of money.  I guess I really have no good news at this time.  I hope you have a nice day this Sunday with your Father on his day.  You must serve him breakfast in bed.  He would like that.

I hope you are all happy.  I miss you so much.  I can never tell you how much I love you in words on paper.  Please remember me and how much I love you and always will.  I am so sorry that I had to get so ill that I couldn't care for you.  Always remember that you are so very dear in my heart and I love you all with all my heart.  Uncle Dick has a birthday on the 20th.  Do you hear from your friends?  I wish that you would write me.  I am going to do some reading now and mending.  I sure miss you not being here, Sandy.  Do you miss me?  WRITE!  I have to worry about getting a few groceries.  I'd like to see a movie also but I haven't the money for all that.  I don't know how  I'd get along without Food Stamps.  It is 81 degrees now.  It was cool early this morning.  Really nice for my feet.  I eat ice cream every night now and really look forward to it.  Do you all eat well?  Are you dieting?  You look nice in your pictures.  Mom and Aunt Ida went to a luncheon with the Pinochile Club and then to the theater to see "Hello Dolly."  I hope they had a good time.  Dad went golfing and the Heatherdowns Country Club all day.  I hope he had fun.  He needs to get out more and use up his energy.  Are you babysitting much these days?  Have you many friends?  I hope so.  Elaine was over on Sunday.  She is working 3-11 PM now part time and going to school to get her RN.  She is a good friend.  She is tired today and started her period and has a headache.  I still use her typewriter.  I don't know what I would do without it.  My hand has not improved and it is discouraging.  I wish I could afford to go out to eat tonight as I am so tired of eating alone every night.  I may bake some muffins or bread tonight.  The church could use some on Sunday.  Well, I must close so this can get mailed.  I hope you are all well.  Please write to me soon ….. all of you!  When can you come to visit?  Remember that I love you all very much.  Take care of yourselves.  I love you.

All my love,


Mom

June 12, 1981

Dear Betsy,

I hope by the time you get this letter that your finals are over.  I hope that you did well.  I miss your not writing me and it sounds like your dad hasn't been telling you that I called.  I am lonely today.  My feet are sore and swollen and it is hot outside.  I go to MAYO clinic on the 28th for a week, hopefully.  Lori is getting married this Friday night and it is a big wedding.  I wish you could go.  She is such a cute girl and it is going to be a super wedding.  Well, I have a four month old kitten and it is a tiger color and really lovable.  I think I will name him Samson.  It is cute and I will try to get a picture of him.  Maybe a friend can take one of me holding him outside since I have no flash attachment.  I would love to sew but need Grandma's if I do and that is a lot of trouble.  I wear shorts most of the time because of my legs.  The mail just came and I got a card from the Rainbow assembly.  Tell them thank you very much.  I hope that all of you enjoy Rainbows.  I miss you so much and am so lonely right now.  I wish I could see you.  When will your dad let you come to see me?  I made apple coffee cake the other  night and gave it to a friend.  I squeezed 3 pounds of oranges that Sandy left in the basement.  Tell her there were three pounds apples and three pounds rotten onions down in the basement also.  What a mess.  It is 80 outside.  I think the humidity is making my legs worse.  My back bothers me lately because they stopped all the meds for it because of the two ulcers.  It is a losing battle.  My living room and kitchen are a mess as I have been trying to clean out boxes of things from the basement.  Samson thinks he is supposed to help me all the time.  He loves to sit on my lap.  He scratched my leg last night when he jumped into the wheel chair.  I wish Sandy could see my new wheel chair and my canes.  She would be proud of me walking.  I do look handicapped and it is hard to take but I am better than I was thanks to God and all the answered prayers.  I only wish I had you children and could love you and be your mom.  My heart breaks and the tears run when I think of you.  Your cat is in my bed all the time and sleeps with me and so do Sandy's and Kirstie's animals.  I hope you are well and happy.  Please try and write me.  I love to hear from you and it seems like ages since you wrote.  Are you going to summer school?  I hope you pass good old Geometry.  I feel for you as it was my favorite subject.  I started to read The Wildest Heart by Rosemary Rodgers.  It is good but I have other books I want to read.  I love to read and it is the one thing I can still do.  I wear my glasses most all the time now.  Well, I must close.  You write me soon.  Remember that I love you so very much.  Say a prayer for me.  I love you.

Love,
Mom

June 4, 1981 Sally

Dear Sally,

It was sure good to talk with you tonight.  I am so lonely and scared.  I go to MAYO clinic on the 28th by plane.  I am scared of getting there and what the outcome will be.  Everyone here seems to think I belong there.  I wish I had more faith.  I my have to change climates.  I have been much worse here with the increased humidity.  I would have to live somewhere alone most likely and where there were good medical facilities.  It is so lonely without Sandy.  I think she is happy with her sisters and that is important.  I am sure Garry will take care of her.  I miss them so much.  It has been so long since I saw them last.  I can now walk some with the use of a cane and have my own private wheel chair.  It is nice.  I have a walker and a pair of crutches also.  It finally rained here tonight which was needed and maybe my feet will be better.  I just go them cool in cold water.  It took over an hour.  They are still swollen badly.  I went to the store tonight and got a few necessities. I can hardly make it.  My parents want to take me to a steak house for supper and I hope I can go.  They have a big salad bar and that is what I love.  I still eat my big breakfast and egg or meat or cottage cheese.  I have started to gain some weight also.  I hope I can exercise some day and move it around.  I still have no use of my right hand and have to go to physical therapy every day at 3:30.  It is very frustrating to have this palsy.  I c. if she knows anything about MAYO.  If she does left me know.  I know nothing about the area.  I hope my mother still goes.  It is scary but hopefully all will go well.

June 5

My one visiting teacher is supposed to call tomorrow and see if I need anything.  My dad runs errands a lot and I go to therapy every day at the hospital on my hand.  I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and he will be seeing me regularly after I go to MAYO.  I like him.  I am on Welfare so I think the State pays for it since I have no money.  I am now soaking the feet and ankles are so swollen.  I think it is the humidity.  I will probably have to move to a dry climate.  I hope I will move close to you all.  My phone bill is high this month and I shouldn't use it at all.  I get so lonely now with Sandy gone.  She left before I came home from the hospital.  I then had to box her things and send them plus I cleaned all the drawers and closets out and put my things in them as we were so crowded for space.  I have a small apartment and it is hard with all I did gave.  I had to sell most of the good things in order to live.  Sandy seems happy and only wrote me once.  In fact they all owe me letters.  Sandy said she took the smallest room but they are renting a big 2 story house and Garry complains because he wants to build a big house and borrow money.  He has to be crazy to think I would ever give him money.  He won't even let me see the girls.  I miss them so much.  I hope to sew me some clothes soon.  I haven't done anything since we moved here and Betsy has my machine so I have to use my Aunt Ida's old one.  I am invited to my cousin's wedding a week from Friday in a Catholic church.  It is going to be huge.  Then a friend's daughter is getting married on the 20th in Findlay and I am invited.  I only hope the weather is improved so I can go.  My car has no air conditioning.  I sold the Gremlin and Dad bought me a 1973 Ford Galaxy and it is a gas hog with no air.  However, it only had 28,000 miles.  The owner hardly ever used it.  So how is all the family and the weather in the summer.  I bet you are out at the pool all the time.  It sounds good.  I bet the boys are really growing.  Are the girls a big help to you?  Sandy loves to hear from Ginny so have her write Sandy in VA.  I can sell Shakelee products now and use them.  I drink the protein drink for short distances with the cane.  It feels good.  It is hard to be so dependent on my parents when it should be reversed roles.  Dad runs errands a lot and mom does a lot of my laundry since the machines cost $1 per load and are in the basement.  Please excuse this typing as it is all left handed and electric and I never learned how to type in a class.  Mom has an upset stomach and I am worried.  My ulcers feel okay but I take a lot of medicine for it plus iron.  I had six units of blood as my hemoglobin was only 6.0.  It is no wonder I passed out and was so weak.  Well, I must close and get to bed.  Hopefully as it is 12:30 and a friend calls me at 6:30 every morning so I get up and start the day.  She has been so good to me and helped so much.  I only wish the Mormon sisters helped here.  I finally got the Sacrament last Sunday for the first time since the fall came.  It is not like CA.  I live in Chicago and were really spread out but a very active church.  Oh well, I keep saying to myself -- It is not the people that make the church true.  However, I wish they were more helpful since my parents judge them but they only help when absolutely necessary.  Sandy went to school with the Bishop's daughter.  She was nice.  Sandy was active and attended the meetings.  The Bishop wants me out to meetings but I guess he doesn't understand that I am not supposed to go out at all.  I have to stay in and that is why I had 2 bleeding ulcers.  Well, I must close.  Say hello to everyone for me.  Thanks again for getting me the bread.  I sure appreciate it and enjoy it.  It doesn't taste salty at all like the breads do here.  Take care of yourself and your family.  Remember me to all.  Tell them to write.  I am lonely and scared of this MAYO trip and what they will find and the prognosis.  Pray and Pray some more.  I sure miss you.

All my love,
Judy

Small gift

Dear Betsy,

This one dollar is for you to get something for yourself since I can't be there to get you something.  I don't have any money or I would send you more.  Maybe it would buy an ice cream cone?  Remember that I love you very much.  I can hardly wait to see you.  I am so lonely by myself.  Time goes so slowly.  I hope you are well.  Take care of yourself.  I love you.

All my love,
Mom, yours forever

I miss you while you are ill and can't wait to see you feeling like yourself.  Again, completely well and happy.

Sometime late in May 1981

Dear Betsy, Sandy and Kirstie,

It was good to talk with you but sorry that you were gone, Betsy.  I haven't gotten any letters from you in a long time.  I am lonely.  I have to go to the MAYO clinic this Tuesday to see the best doctors in our country.  The sad part is I don't have the money to get there.  I have my own new custom made wheel chair.  It is navy blue and nice and narrow.  It has big wheels and much nicer than the one I borrowed before.  It is hot here at 12 midnight it is 73 degrees.  I go to physical therapy every day for my hand and also exercise my legs on a big mat.  I made a chocolate cake for my parents and a applesauce jello salad today for them.  It was good.  They won't come and eat here until the entire apartment is cleaned.  That will take me a long time.  I have really rearranged a lot of drawers since Sandy is living there.  I would love to sew but need a good machine.  I had 2 dresses cut out for several years.  My bank account is down to nothing right now and there is no more coming in.  I can't afford to eat much these days.  I have to eat salt free food and that costs more money.  I enjoy reading a lot and don't watch TV very much since Sandy is gone.  I have the radio on a lot.  It is FM music.  It sounds like you had a nice birthday, Sandy.  I wish I could have been with you.  I miss you a lot and want to see all of you as soon as possible.  When do you think you can come?  I now get up early because it is so hot here during the heat of the day.  Is it hot there also?  I think I will make some oatmeal for breakfast tomorrow.  I really like wheat also and put fruit with bananas, prunes, peaches and pears on it.  Plus I eat toast with jam and honey.  For lunch I usually eat cottage cheese and more fruit and a cooked vegetable.  Then for supper I eat a big salad with everything in it plus an egg and salt free cheese.  It is good that way.  I drink lots of milk and coffee.  The coffee doesn't make me nervous like it used to.  I go out with friends and we drink it.  It isn't the best thing for ulcers.  It tastes good though.  I have a magazine for you, Sandy.  I hope I remember to send it to you.  How do you all like Virginia and living so close to Washington DC?  Have you seen a lot of things?  It has Toledo beat that is for certain.  My hair is getting long and thick.  I think I will let it grow and pull it back.  I have trouble brushing it as it is hard to do with only one hand and that is the left one.  I hope you can read my typing as I was never very good at it and I can't write at all so anyone can read it.  How is my dear Gretchen?  Has she grown at all?  I hope she isn't fat.  Well, I must close and get ready for bed.  I hope this card finds you all well and happy.  Take care of yourselves and please write me soon.  I will send cards from MAYO if I go but I have to find the money first.  I am certain the doctors there could help.  It is a long way to go.  It costs $130 one way to fly.  Plus the motels are expensive plus all the food.  I wish one of you could go with me.  I am scared really.  I hope all goes well.  Be sure to write me and take care of yourselves.  Come and visit me as soon as you are all allowed.  I really miss you and love you all very much.  I hope school is OK.  How is Rainbows doing?  Write back soon and remember that I love you all very much.  Be good and we can see each other soon.  Maybe I will be able by then.  I have two canes and crutches.  Write me.  I love you dearly.

All my love,
Mom

So many times ... just the thought of you has changed the color of my day.

May 21, 1981

Dear Betsy,

I received a letter from your dad today with both Kirstie and your pictures in it.  They are excellent and I am so proud of you.  You have really worked hard for service points.  This is a different typewriter and works hard for me.  So how do you like having Sandy around?  I miss her a lot and you also.  I hope she can pass school and get into Rainbows.  My hand has not improved and it is frustrating.  My feet and legs are really red.  Today I used the cane most of the time.  The doctor may send me to MAYO the first week in June.  It is so far away and the disease is so rare.  I hope you can get Sandy to stick with her diet and exercise program.  Are you sewing?  I wish I could.  I am still packing Sandy's things into boxes.  I haven't even looked in the basement yet.  I will send them UPS with Ronnie probably this weekend.  I hope your asthma is better and you are doing okay in school.  I am sending a little section from the paper.  You will have to trim it as I can't.  Today Grandma and Grandpa have been married 43 years.  It is hot here now which doesn't help my legs.  They like it cool.  I have to take iron pills and stomach pills for the ulcer.  I lost a lot of blood.  It is getting late at night and I have to get up early for physical therapy at the hospital.  I will be enclosing some coupons for all of you to use.  It helps the grocery bill.  Dad gets my groceries for me. 

I just woke up and it is 3 AM and my feet are in a pan of cold water.  I am going to start going to bed early and getting up early.  It is hot here.  So, is Sandy happy?  Are you glad she came?  When are you coming to see me?  I will try and send some grocery coupons in this letter.  This typewriter is terrible.

This is a different typewriter and very old but it is easier to use.  It much be 60 years old or more.  At least it does type for me.  I can hardly write.  I have lots of boxes packed for Sandy and they are in the middle of my living room waiting for Uncle Ron to come and tape and take to UPS.  I hope he comes soon.  I still have her hampster things to gether and send.  Plus my mom has her clean laundry to put in a box.  The apartment is a mess but it really will look better soon.  How are your school grades?  Are you going to summer school?  What will you take?  I wish I could sew me a few clothes.  I need to wash my hair.  It is a problem trying to decide where to do it.  The doctors want to do a small surgery on  my leg to see if there is a certain disease there in the tissue.  I wish they would have done it in the hospital.  I am supposed to go to MAYO clinic on June 4th.  I would have to fly there and see what they say and do.  I would know no one.  Have you been swimming yet this year?  I wish I could swim again.  It sure helps the back.  Well, I must close and pick up some messes and try and make my bed.  Plus I have to make a list for Grandpa to go to the store and get me some food.  Please take care of yourself and write me please, soon.  Remember that I miss you and love you very much.  Come see me soon.

All my love to you,
Your Mom forever,
Mom