This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Tuesday, November 24, 1981

November 1981

Dear Betsy,
So good to hear from you.  I enjoyed your letter and understand.  I pray all things work to your good.  Remember to trust in God always.  I pray for you every night.  I love you and miss you.  I am no longer getting welfare, food stamps or Medicaid.  I am hurting money ways.  My rent is highter than my income and there is no low income housing available.  I am trying to cover my legs and feet and ignore the pain and heat and swelling.
Tomorrow I go on Hanicap Van to the mall to look for a present for you and your sisters for Christmas.  How is Rainbow now?  When will Sandy soon.  This apartment is too big for just me.  I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.  I'll go to mom and dad's with Aunt Ida.  It is also Grandpa's birthday.  He'll be 64.  I am watching "Dallas" now.  Do you watch it?  I spend too much time on TV.  Our weather is cold, rain/snow and windy.  It is hard on my feet and legs.  Hope you are well.  I miss you so much and I love you with all my heart.  Please keep writing me.  I love to hear from you.  Take care of yourself and remember me and my love for you.

All my love,
Your mom

Saturday, October 31, 1981

October 31, 1981

Dear Betsy, Sandy, and Kirstie,
I enclosed the payment for your Teen Magazine.  Ask your dad to pay it for you.  How are all of you?  I haven't been very well. I had to see Dr. Jones yesterday.   My blood pressure went way down and he said I had to stay off of my feet.  Plus my neck and back hurt so much.  I can't take medicine for them my body will hold fluid.  I am very nervous and worried.  Please take a little time and write me.  I am so lonely.  I still have my cold and it is in my chest.
How is school going?  I hope well for all of you.  I really have little news except sickness.  Tonight is Halloween.  Are you going out?  Remember I love you and miss you.  Remember me, please.

All my love,
Mom

Friday, October 23, 1981

October 23, 1981

Dear Betsy,
I was so happy to receive your letter today.  You do sound busy.  That is the way I was.  I am glad you can do all those things.  I wish I could do more than write letters, read and watch TV.  I can write again.  MAYO Clinic said it would never function again.  I am so grateful.  My feet are really cold today as our weather has been so cold tonight.  Grandma and Grandpa were in Virginia until last night and are going to Tennesee  and Kentucky and then home.  They were supposed to go to Uncle Dick's but that had lots of rain and damage and Aunt Judy said Aunt Judy said not to come.
Aunt Ida got some groceries for me today.  I am watching "The Dukes of Hazzard."  I like it and "Dallas."  Do you watch TV?  Do you have a lot of homework?  Your grades look really good.  I am proud of you!  You are doing great with Rainbows.  I really do appreciate your long letter.  I have been thinking of flying there and staying in a hotel and get to see you.
I am glad you enjoy Sandy.  I miss her.  I keep thinking she is still here.  Well, I am out of news and room.  Take care of yourself.  I love you, honey and miss you.

All my love,
Mom

Thursday, October 8, 1981

October 8, 1981

Dear Betsy, Sandy and Kirstie,
I decided to write one letter because I would repeat everything if I wrote each of you separately.
Tonight I went to Social Ministries Meeting and I volunteered to help a lot.  It will keep me busy.  Tomorrow I meet William for coffee to talk at Bob Evans.  I sure miss you girls.  I keep looking and listening for Sandy to come home.  I am afraid I will have to quit coffeee as it hurts my stomach.  My shoulder hurts so much that I had to ask Dr. Jones for a muscle relanant.  It helps a lot.
It was lovely out today but it is to frost-freeze tonight.
I hope you had a good plane trip, Sandy.  I will get your boxes off soon.  I did all the linens.  Do you want the red and white checked things for your room?  Let me know.
October 9, 1981
I got my ears pierced and my studs are my birth stone.  They are pretty.  I hope they work out this time.  I am at Perkins right now.  The Social Ministry was good last night.  I will be busy. I have lots of people to and programs to arange.
I have to get a heating for my shoulder and back.  I can hardly turn my neck today.
Sandy, how does it feel to be in Fairfax again?  I hope all is well and you are happy.  I am going to finish "Chesapeake."  Are you still going to be able with German?
I wish you would write me.  I am getting sleepy.  I had plenty of sleep, also.
How is school for you, Kirstie?  Do you have lots of homework?  Betsy, how is school going?  How is Rainbows?  You have a nice group of friends I am sure.
Well, I am out of news so I will quit for now.  Take care.  Remember that I love you all dearly.  Remember me.  I love you so much.

All my love,
Your mom

Lots of love and kisses to you.

PLEASE WRITE ME!

Friday, September 25, 1981

September 25, 1981

Dear Betsy and Kirstie,
How are you doing?  I haven't heard from you in ages.  I miss your letters.  How is school going for you.  Sandy is busy.  She has lots of homework.  Her foot is better.  I am taking her to the doctor on Monday for a check up.  She hardly eats.  How is your asthma, Betsy?  I hope it is better.  It has been cool to cold here.  My feet like that kind of weather.  We like the new apartment.  It is not so crowded and is cheerful.  There is still a lot to do.
I am still reading "The Wildest Heart" and "Chesapeake."  Sandy is selling magazine for school.  I am lonely.  Time goes so slowly.
Kirstie, how is your big toe doing?  I hope it is better and gone.  (Please excuse my scribbling but I am tired.)  My had is better and I am so glad.  It cramps a lot which I think is a good sign.  I can knit slowly and I wnat to try to hook a rug.
Sandy has lots of homework most every night.  She likes German and speaks it well.
So how did the wedding go?  I thought of you both all day.  Was it nice?  I hope they are happy and all goes well for everyone.  How many people came?  Write and tell me.  My new address is: …
Well, I have no more news.  I miss you both very much.  I wish you could come and live with me.  Do you miss me?
Take care of yourselves.  Please write me as soon as possible.  I love you.

All my love,
Mom

I love you!!

Sunday, September 20, 1981

September 20, 1981 Sally

Dear Sally,

I am writing this letter and will get it copied because of the limited use of my right hand.  For the past 6 months I have had no use in it.  Then last week it regained some usage.  It is hard to write but I have no typewriter now.

I went to MAYO clinic in Rochester, Minnesota for my legs and hands, etc. in June 28.  They put me in the hospital for 2 weeks and ran all tests.  They came up with 3 diseases all of which there is no known cause, cure or treatment.  They all called Erythremalagia, Vasculitis and Acgrocyanosis.  I have learn to live with either hot burning, painful feet and knees or cold ones.  Plus they said the use of my right hand was gone forever but it is improving.  I see a psychologist weekly.  I am still on Welfare with food stamps.  


Garry and I were officially divorced June 12, 1981.  He is in VA now with Betsy and Kirstie.  He got married to a 27 year old Allison last night.  They have been living together since March 1980.  Sandy lives with me.  She is 14 years old but wants to be about 16 or more.

My new apartment is nicer.  It has central air conditioning and gas heat (this is a must with my feet and legs).

Garry forged our equity check (forged my name) and cost is anxiety and money.  I still can't believe he did it.  I'll never be able to trust him again.

I am very lonely and would love to hear from you.  I have a wheelchair and 2 canes to help me walk.  I wish I could do more for myself.

Well, I will close and hopefully get this letter mailed.  My parents took me to MAYO.  They are both okay.  Mom has colitis from worry over me.  Please write soon.

Love,
Judy

PS:  I can't remember when I wrote last or what I said.  Did I pay you for the bread?  Please let me know.  I am bored and nervous and can't concentrate on things.  Please write soon.
Hope you are all well.

Tuesday, August 4, 1981

August 4, 1981

Dear girls,
Just a short note to let you know that I am thinking of you and miss you so much.  In a week you will be getting ready to come and stay with me.  I can hardly wait to see you.  It has been 18 months for 2 of you.  I may get a new apartment and you can help me move into it.  I hope you are anxious to come.  I probably can't afford to feed you expensive food or take you out much.  I hope you have fun.  I really love and am really looking forward to your visit.  Grandma and Grandpa are supposed to get you on the 12th and bring you here.  Now they are counting the money and want me to let you come by bus.  Oh, what a mess.  I wish I could come and get you myself.  I am still trying to read.  I am so lonely and I don't get letters from you.  Why don't you write?  Millie took me to breakfast this morning at the Pancake house and I had a delicious bow of oatmeal, juice and 7 grain toast, egg, Sanka, and strawberries.  It was delicious and expensive.  They make all their things from scratch and use the purest ingredients.  They made the oatmeal with cream.  I am struggling to knot and embroider.  It is frustrating.  I want to go the school and get a job in the far future.   I would like to become a psychologist but it takes lots of time and money.  I could also go into nutrition.  It is really hot and humid here today.  It is hard on my feet and legs.  Betsy, have your dad take some pictures of you as I have none.  I have all your animals on my bed and sleep with them.  I wish I could get interested in a book to read.  I am so lonely and bored.  I had some coffee this noon on the way home from the doctor.  Well I am out of space and want to get this mailed.  Please remember I LOVE YOU.  Write!  See you soon.  All my love,

Mom

Sunday, July 19, 1981

July 19, 1981

Dear Sandy,

Just a short note on a borrowed typewriter to let you know that I love you.  I went with the handicapped society last night to Southwich from 7-10 PM.  I have to use gloves or my hands get cut.  I also get burned on the burners.  I don't use the dishwasher for just my dishes so I do them after a meal.  A couple friends gave me paper plates and cups to help.  I still use my mugs all the time.  I also got to go to the Mall today because I was bored and nervous.  It was packed because of a sidewalk sale.  I returned my TABU and got a large one for the 2 small ones.  The small ones turned me brown but the newer one doesn't.  It was the same price.  I love that smell.  I use all my colognes.  I wash up before bed.  Tonight I am going to go to be by midnight and get up about 5:30 because it is cooler then and eat my breakfast here and make the bed and do the dishes and pick up the clutter and then go to Sourdough Charlie's.  I can get all the coffee and Sanka I want for a dime from 6:30 - 8:00 AM  and it is good and they will let me read as long as I want.  Remember all the times we went and all the times you got me coffee.  Such good memories.  I am really nervous lately.  I don't know why.  I can't sleep either.  Grandma is still sick and her stomach hurts.  Dr. Jones says it is colitis.   I am reading The Wildest Heart by Rosemary Rodgers.  I really like it.  I am almost done with Chesapeake.  Did you see the move "The Other side of the Mountain"  on 2 nights this past week?  It was good.  I am knitting also and trying to sew but it is hard to do.  I am glad you are happy.  I surely do miss you and your company.  It is lonely here and quiet.  Time drags.  The sun has been in for two days and my feet are better.  Remember you can come here anytime.  I want you.  Patti wants you for babysitting.  Do you save your money?  I have non at the present time.  Someone can come and get you anytime you want.  I hope Betsy is OK.  Is Shirley having fun?  Are you in Rainbows there?  Do you hear from Nancy Reed?  Millie Edwards is finally back in town as of yesterday.  We are good friends.  I also have a good friend named Joyce Neal who was a patient at MCO that I took care of.  She does a lot for me.  She is planning on taking me to the Franklin Park Mall tomorrow night and we are eating at the York Steak House there also.  She is treating since I am so poor.  She brought me potatoes, corn and onions the other day.  She brings her daughter, Jackie, who is 12 and very mature.  A really nice girl.  Charlotte and Ron were on a trip in Kentucky and were hit by a car and lost their car but no one was hurt.  Lori is now married and happy.  Dad put the mill and mixer down the basement because I can not handle them.  I can't lift with my hands anything heavy paper unless Dad brings it after he reads it.  Do you ever go to church there?  I go to the Lutheran most of the time if it is cool out.  Judy Pelot gave me Joni book 2 to read but she is acting strange since I am back.  She and Audrey seem to think God can make me well and not to see a psychiatrist or take any pills for the head.  It is OK to take them for anything else.  I don't agree with them.  I am really nervous inside.  This is very hard to accept being handicapped with my hand now also.  I feel so helpless and yet I try to do everything I can for myself.  I may get a different apartment that has better heating and cooling for my feet.  Winter will hurt them as it did last year.  I can't afford any new and none are available before September.  The rent here is good for what I have.

July 19, 1981

Dear Sandy,

Just a short note on a borrowed typewriter to let you know that I love you.  I went with the Handicapped Society last night to Southwich from 7-10 pm.  I have to use gloves or my hands get cut.  I also get burned on the burners.  I don't use the dishwasher for just my dishes so I do them after a meal.  A couple of friends gave me paper plates and cups to help.  I still use my mugs all the time.  I also get to go to the mall today because I was bored and nervous.  It was packed because of a sidewalk sale.  I returned my TABU and got a larger one for the 2 small ones.  The small ones turned me brown but the newer one doesn't.  It was the same price.  I love that smell.  I use all my colognes.  I wash up before bed.  Tonight I am going to go to bed by midnight and get up about 5:30 am because it is cooler then and eat my breakfast here and make the bed and do the dishes and pick up the clutter and then go to Sourdough Charlies.  I can get all the coffee and Sanka I want for a dime from 6:30 - 8:00 am and it is good and they will let me read as long as I want.  Remember all the times we went and all the times you got me coffee.  Such good memories.  I am really nervous lately.  I don't know why.  I can't sleep either.  Grandma is still sick and her stomach hurts.  Dr. Jones says it is colitis.  I am reading "The Wildest Heart" by Rose Mary Rogers.  I really like it.  I am almost done with "Chesapeake."  Did you see the movie "The Other Side of the Mountain 2" this past week?  It was good.  I am knitting also and trying to sew but it is hard to do.  I am glad you are happy.  I surely do miss you and your company.  It is lonely here and quiet.  Time drags.  The sun has been in for 2 days and my feet are better.  Remember you can come here anytime.  I want you.  Patti want you for babysitting.  Do you save your money?  I have none at the present time.  Someone can come and get you anytime you want.  I hope Betsy is okay.  Is Shirley having fun?  Are you in Rainbow there?  Do you hear form Nancy Reed?  Millie Edwards is finally back in town as of yesterday.  We are good friends.  I also have a good friend named Joyce Neal who was a patient at MCO that I took care of.  She does a lot for me.  She is planning on taking me to the Franklin Park Mall tomorrow night and we are sting at the York Steak House there also.  She is treating since I am so poor.  She brought me potatoes, corn and onions the other day.  She brings her daughter, Jackie, who is 12 and very mature.  A really nice girl.  Charlotte and Ron were on a trip in Kentucky an were hit by a car and lost their car but no one was hurt.  Lori is now married and happy.  Dad put the mill and mixer down the basement because I can not handle them.  I can't lift with my hands anything heavy so I can't use heavy bowls or pans.  I don't get the newspaper unless Dad brings it after he reads it.  Do you ever go to church there?  I go to the Lutheran most of the time if it is cool outside.  Judy Pelet gave me Joni book 2 to read but she is acting strange since I am back.  She and Audrey seem to think God can make me well and not to see a psychiatrist or take any pills for the head.  It is okay to take them for anything else.  I don't agree with them.  I am really nervous inside. This is very hard to accept being handicapped with my hand now also.  I feel so helpless and yet I try to do everything I can for myself.  I may get a different apartment that has better heating and cooling for my feet.  Winter will hurt them as it did last year.  I can't afford any new and none are available before Sept.  The rent here is good for what I have.  I should offer an ad for someone to live with me to keep me company and help with the vacuuming.  I want a new cleaner and typewriter.  I want to sell the violin since I won't be able to play with my hands.  It is worse than when you saw it last.  Without the brace it drops.  I talked to Lois at the Health Food Store twice lately and she really liked you.  She helps me.  I got honey, sunflower seeds, yogurt, juice, peanut butter, carob powder for milk, chewable vit C like you like.  I had coupons for most of them.  I got 7 grain bread also.  Well, I must close and soak my sore bottom in the tub and read my book.  I will write Kirstie tonight.  Plese write me soon.  I miss your letters.  Please!  Remember I love you and miss you.

All my love for you,

Mommykins

Friday, July 17, 1981

July 17, 1981

Dear Betsy,

Thank you for your letter.  I was so happy to get it.  Being in St. Mary's in Rochester was a real experience.  I have been checked all over.  I have home one week.  It is real hot here.  My hand is permanently damaged and this is my best writing.  I hope I can borrow a typewriter soon.  This is hard for me to do.  My left hand is weak.  My dad took me to the mall.  Thursday night and put my wheel chair up.  I shopped all over but have no money.  I saw so many lovely Rainbow things.  I didn't even price them.  I don't have enough money for August's rent.  I hope I can see you soon.  It has been too long.  Are you enjoying Shirley's visit.  I hope you do.  Are you sewing?  I can't cut with the scissors but try.  I want to make Christmas presents.  I am fortunate that I learned to throw my yarn with my left forefinger.  So I knit and read a lot.

I go outside in early morning or late night if I go at all.  I have lots of trouble walking.

Grandma is very sick.  She had to go to the hospital a few days ago.  She has colitis and is on a bland diet.  I'll write soon.  I hope you will write soon.  I love you very much and always will WRITE .

All my love,
Mom