This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Thursday, August 22, 1985

August 22, 1985

Dear Betsy,
How are you doing?  I hope all is well and you are happy.  It is a nice day here.  I get up early and go to bed early.  I have a hard time sleeping.  My right hip is an open sore and it really hurts.  I am on Penacillin and I hope it improves.
Bob has not been well.   He is a little better today but still sleeps a lot and has a pain in his head.  He goes to the doctor tomorrow and I have to take him.
So how was your time at the beach?  I hope you had a lot of fun.  I bet you are really tan.  I would be a mess plus freckles.  Be glad you got that from your father.
I am going to a baby shower tonight at the church.  I hope I meet women.  I get so lonely and never go anywhere it seems.  I was going out for a salad bar but haven't for over a week.
Grandma and Grandpa are moved but they say they have a real mess.  They sold a lot of furniture and it was so pretty.  They eat out a lot since they moved.  I just talked to them and Sandy called them.  She is lonesome.  It must be hard when everyone is gone on break.  She has never called them before.
Well, I am out of news.  Hope you are well.  Remember, I love you very much.  I miss you.  Write me.

All my love,
Mom

Friday, August 2, 1985

August 2, 1985

Dear Betsy,
Sandy sent me your address.  I hope you are well and happy.  I miss your not writing or calling.  Are you still going to school?
I get up early now and eat.  Bob sleeps a lot.  It must be his medicines.  He is awake late at night.  I go to sleep around 11:30 pm.  I still drink a couple cups of coffee each day.
I think I will take up sewing again and maybe play the violin.
I had to take all my things from Grandma's and Grandpa's attic to storage yesterday.  What a mess.  I sure gave up a lot for garage sale.  If and when you get married I'll have dishes and glasses for you.  No hurry.  I even saved you booster chair for me as a grandmother.
I am reading a good book by Danielle Steel which belongs to Grandma.
It is cool in the mornings here.  By the afternoon it is in the eighty's.  I like 60-75 degree for my feet.
So what are you?  So you moved?  Are you living alone or what?  Do you have an apartment?  I am playing cassettes on my little player I like them.  One is Pat Boone's.  It is a religious tape.
I want to start a Bible study in my apartment and I  am going to put up notices on bulletin boards at stores.  I made nine 3x5 cards and hope I get some response.
Shelly and Ricky are helping Grandma and Grandpa move.  Oh, what a mess they.  They are moving to a new pretty condo.  I hope they like it.  It is a lot smaller than the big house.  My storage will cost $20 a month.  I want to move some things there from this basement.
Well, my pen doesn't like this side of paper.  Please remember I love you.  I am so worried about you.  I hope you are all right.  Please write or call.  I want to hear from you.

All my love,
Mom

Thursday, July 25, 1985

July 25, 1985

Dear Betsy,
I haven't heard from you for so long.  Did I do something wrong?  Please write me.  Hav eyou taken vacation yet?  Have you been to the beach yet?
It is in the high 80s so I have been in the apartment most all the time.  Jeanette is coming over tonight to do my hair.  It is so dirty.  All of a sudden it gets dirty.  It is still short but growing.
I go to bed around 10-10:30 pm so I can sleep with my medicines.  I need to be off my feet for 12-14 hours a night.  That is hard to do.
I have been reading a lot.  I just got done with one book.  Today I read a religious book and the Bible.  I haven't been to church in ages.  It is so hot.
I did laundry all day today and it is up and down the stairs for everything so my legs are tired and my feet burn.  I have had a lot of problems with my legs and feet.  I had to soak them twice in a day a few days ago.
Bob is resting now.  We will eat pretty soon.  bob made coleslaw today and it is always good.  I am going to fry some zucchini.  It is really good.
I called in 2 perscriptions for refill.  They cost $80 at Lanes.  Ii don't know where I'll get the money.  We are broke.  We need low income housing.  We can't affort to live here.  The lists for housing are so long.  It may take a year or more before we can move.
So how are you Betsy?  I hope and pray you are well.
I just cut my hand on something .  I got my last load of laundry up.  I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and miss you.  Please remember I love you and always will.

All my love,
Mom

Saturday, July 13, 1985

July 13, 1985

Dear Betsy,
So what are you doing lately.  I wish you would write or call.  I miss you a lot.  How is work going?  Did you go to the beach yet?  Why haven't you written?  Did I say something wrong?  I worry about you.
I am making tuna fish salad for supper.  I hope it is good.  I have been having lots of trouble with my legs and feet.  I quit exercising on the bike and walking in the mall.  For one thing, it is too hot.  It cool for my feet (excuse the writing but I am lying on the sofa).
I have been reading a lot.  I read Hospital Nurse which was very good.  Now I am reading a biography called Emma Hale Smith.   The book is all about Joseph Smith's wife (Emma).  It is really very interesting.  I didn't go to church today.  It was raining.  Now, the sun is out.  I didn't get up until 12 noon.  I didn't sleep all fo the but I didn't care.  I just didn't care to get up.  I cried all last night.  I was drinking coffee but I got too nervous so I quit.  Then I am drpressed and hungry.  I cut my thyroid down a 1/2 grain.  I'll probably get fat.  I do a lot of arm lifts and some sit ups.
Do you still go to Rainbows?  I will get my 25 year pin in Eastern Stars next year.  That is a long time.
Do you have a summer tan?  How is work going?  How is Kirstie?  I hear she has Sandy's former job.  Doe she like it?  Are you still doing word processing?  Are you dating?  I wish I would hear from you - I am up at cheaper times.  I never know when to call you.  Have you heard from Sandy?  She called collect the other night.  I hadn't heard from her.  I called Kirstie last week and she was gone.  Your dad talked to me for 20 minutes.  He never mentioned you.
Well, I will close.  I am hungry and Bob is sleeping.  He sleeps days a lot.  He hasn't even had his pills yet and its 4 pm.  My face is sore on one side where I slept.  I had my hair done.  It is short and I wish it were longer.  The person who cut it when I had the person cut it twice after is was permed.  So she cut most of my perm off and made me mad.  It is still curly.
Grandma and Grandpa are in the process of moving.   I think they are going to be depressed after living in that big house.  I have to get ride of my dishes, silver and glasses.  I wish you were getting married.  Then I'd fill up your hope chest.
Remember I love you.  Please let me hear from you.  I  miss you.

All my love,
Mom

Saturday, June 22, 1985

June 22, 1985

Dear Betsy,
Tomorrow Bob and I will have been married one year.  We are at Wendy's now.  We went to the Victoria Station last night for dinner.  We are getting along well now.  I have really been able to cut down on my medicines.  I take more vitamins and eat well.  I have gained wieght.  I walk every day and exercise.  I was walking in the mall on the 18th and I ran into Sandy.  We hugged, etc.  I couldn't believe it.  Her Bishop dropped her off at our apartment for 40 minutes but I was gone.  So she walked to the mall and found me.  We got lemonade and then she bought a white tank top for $5.  I met the Bishop and his family.  That was sure nice of them.  I loved seeing her.  She was surprised also.  She said you were doing good.   She said you were having trouble with your roommates.  She say you only eat 3 candy bars a day and are thing but still pretty.
Our temp was 80 degrees today.  Very breezy.  Bob is going to make bean soup tomorrow.  It's always good.  I love it.
I have Rafeenie perfume and powder.  I love it.  Bob got me some for Mother's day.  It seems like ages since I heard from you.  I wish you would write me.  It seems like ages since I heard from you.  I wish you would write me.  I save all your letters.  I miss you.  When are you coming this summer?
How are all your boy friends?  Sandy said you were playing tennis with a real wealthy man and you'd marry him in a minute.
I have to go to grocery store at Krogers.  I hate that.  I like Churchills but we need a few things.

Sunday, June 23, 1985
Well, I will go to church this afternoon at 2:30.  It is already 2:00.  Sandy called collect last night.  She sounds good but busy.  She likes her roommate a lot.  No caffeine anywhere and she is out of money.  She says she has to have a diet coke.  So she goes somewhere to buy one.  I was glad to hear from her.  She is in class already.
Did I tell you I joined a health spa?  (21 Century).  I ride the bike 25 minutes but not much on the treadmill.  I do lots of exercises.  It is hard on my feet.  They swell and get red.  I may quit by doctor's excuse.  It is a lot of money.  I walk in the mall and do lots of exercise here.  I am writing this laying so excus the scribbling.

Later
Church was good.  It was full.  The Bishop spoke and so did his son.  Then I went to the grocery store and came home.  We ate Bob's 3 bean soup.  It was good.  Then I went down to the basement and on the other side is Bob's furniture, etc.  I used his rowing machine.  Then I spotted a stationary bicycle, for 5 minutes I rode it.  I was tired.  I don't know who owns the bike but I think I will use it anyhow.  The mall closed at 6 pm so I couldn't walk around.
Well, I have no more news for now.  Take care of yourself and remember how much I love you.  Write soon.  I miss not hearing from you.

I love you,
Love,
Mom

Monday, June 10, 1985

June 10, 1985

Dear Betsy,
Today is a blue rainy Monday I am at Ponderosa eating soup & salad.  Grandma said you are too thin.  Why did you lose weight?  I hope you are well.  I have been on my feet a lot more.  I walk the mall.  Then I go to bed and wake up 2 hours later.  I went and got coffee and donuts last night for Bob and me.  I stayed awake and then went to bed.
Bob and I live together but I am not happy.  I hold back the tears.  His language is awful and he is mean and crude.  I don't know what to do.  I see my psychiatrist this week.  I hope he helps me.  Bob is a good person.  He is up all night and sometimes days and some days (most) he sleeps so he is little company for me.  He was like this before but he changed but fooled me.  If I divorce him, I have no hospitalization or drug or doctor coverage.  If we separate I do but I want to be free of him.  I wouldn't if we separate.  He really likes you and is worried for you are too thin.  I wish you would come for a visit soon.  I miss you a lot.  You are good for me.  When are your vacation times?  Sandy had a good time here.  She look so pretty in your dress.  I finally got our wedding pictures developed and I'll get a copy of the best one for you.
I have little news.  I got part of your Christmas present.  I spent a lot of money at the mall walking around.  I will go when I finish letter and walk.  Then I'll do exercises (rocks) and go to bed early.  Bob could care less what I do.
I really enjoy and appreciate your letters.  I know you are thinking of me.  I wish we had more memories.  Oh, Grandma and Grandpa sold their house.  Now they need to buy a condominium.  They are so busy but enjoying their short trip to Virginia.  They had a good time with all of you.
Well, I will close and go to the mall and walk.  Take care.  WRITE!  Remember I love you so very much & miss you.

All my love,
Mommy

Monday, May 27, 1985

May 27, 1985

Dear Betsy,
Things are better between Bob and me.  He still sleeps a lot but he needs it.  I drive to the mall most mornings and walk all over and go in stores.  It is bard when it is so hot.  I go in the mroning.  My ankles swell but I get bored here all day long.  Time drags.  I blew Sandy's prom pictures but Nancy got good ones.  I send you our favorite wedding picture next letter.
I bought myself a brown miniture Bible and Triple and a small hymnal.  I also got a purse so I can carry them when I get to the mall because I drink Friendly's good coffee.  I weight 120# probably more by now.  I eat so little I don't know where it comes from.  I like my short hair. It is a shock to lots of people.  I need to wash and blow dry it.  Bob needs a hair cut very badly.
So how is life with you.  Are you will so busy.  I love to hear from you.  When are you coming to Toledo?  How will you come?  How is the truck?  Do you still use it every day?  How is your love life?  Gee, I am out of news.  I may go out for eggs and toast and sourdough for 95 cents (2 eggs, 2 toast, plus coffee).  It does me good and I like it.  I was going to go with a friend but it is really wet outside.  Plus, it is turning cool again but hard rain.  Excuse my scribbling.  It is hard to write laying on the sofa.
Remember I love you and miss you so very much.  I hope you come soon.  Bob likes you a lot.  WRITE.

All my love,
Mom

Wednesday, May 22, 1985

May 22, 1985


Dear Betsy,
How are you doing?  Bob and I are trying to patch things up.  I have to pay bills today and I hate it.  We don't have the money like I wish.  I have to balance the account first.  My legs are hot today.  When do you think you'll come in June?  Sandy leaves soon for BYU.  How is your college?  I walk 2 x a day when cool outside for exercise.  It should help me.  I walked last summer.  I also exercise 2 x a day.  I can't do much.  In June I start to swim with the handicapped society at the YMCA on East side.  They pick me up.  I hope I can do it.  It would be so good for me and fun.
I have film to be developed with our wedding pictures and Sandy's prom.  She looked so pretty in your dress.  I am glad you let her wear it.  I pressed it.  Then she didn't have a long slip but Nancy came to the rescue.  I got her flowers.  
Oh, I got a new red dress for Penecost Sunday when you are supposed to wear red.  It has white lace on the collar with a v neck.  It is long and flared skirt.  The top of the dress is blossy.  You'd like it.  I have had a dress since you helped me pick out my wedding dress in teal blue.  I really like that dress and my pearls.  Did I ever tell you Bob bought me a 14K gold cross and chain.  Plus he bought me new wedding and engagement rings.  They are pretty.
I know Bob loves me.  He is a sick man and stays up late at night.  He sleeps late so I am lonely a lot.  I go to 2 doctors this week.  One tomorrow and one the next day.  I drink ice tea now.  It is a novelty for me.
Well, I must close.  Out of news.  Thanks for calling me.  I love you so very much.  I miss you.

All my love,
Mom

Monday, May 20, 1985

May 20, 1985

Dear Betsy,
Sandy arrived Friday and I pressed your dress.  She looked so pretty.  She forgot her flowers. They were so pretty and she wore them on her wrist.  I really didn't see much of her.  Just before she went to the airport (she was gone) Bob beat me and I am mean and cruel.  Don't show this letter to anyone.  Burn it.  I am at Sour Dough Charlies for 2 eggs and 2 toast and coffee with cream.  Sandy didn't even go to church with me.  When are you coming for a visit? I may leave by then and live somewhere else.  Bob seems to think he can sleep and wake up and all is forgotten.  I pout for ever.  His language is awful and he is so crude to say the least.  I don't want any other divorces but I can't live this way.  So maybe a legal separation.  I'll have no insurance so I don't know what to do.  I wish I could talk to you.  I feel like calling mom and asking her to talk with me.
So how are you?  You sound so good on the phone.  Thank you for calling.  Bob likes you.  He has a violent temper.  Don't worry about the time you call.  I can always wake up.  I just had 3 1/2 cups of coffee and it is good.  I know when I go to the doctor he will say no coffee.  Well, I should close and go home and work there in the kitchen.  Remember I love you so much.

All my love,
Mom

Thursday, May 16, 1985

May 16, 1985

Dear Betsy,
It was so good to talk to you Tuesday.  I stayed awake.  That time you called and went to sleep on the phone.  I must have had a low body temperature because I don't even remember. I don't go to sleep for long time a night but have to stay off my feet.
So when are you coming to see me and Bob?  It has almost been one year.  We did have a good time.  I want to get my film developed so I can get our wedding pictures for you to keep.  We have been married almost one year (June 23).  We were married May 4, 1982 the 1st time.  Bob still sleeps during the day.  He got me a beautiful gold Rafenice spray and real perfume.  It was a special price.  It still cost a lot.  I keep having hot flashes.  They are terrible.  I take Premarin but it must not be enought.  I want a red dress and I ordered one and it didn't fit.  I hope Sandy has a really good time.  I sure was worried she wasnt' going to make it.  It is really nice of you to take her to the airport.  I really appreciate it and I know Sandy does.  Last night Bob and I went our for dinner.  I got a Harvey Wallbanger.  It was good.  Bob had wine.  That drink to set my spinning and it never phased me.  I guess I'll go back to scotch and H2O or whiskey sour.  I drink a lot of ice tea.  It is much cooler today but supposed to rain.   I love it in the 60's for my feet.  These days are rare.  It has really been too hot.  No spring at all.  I love spring and fall.  I can do so much more.  Robin is coming today to do laundry and clean tomorrow.  Bob is getting a hair cut.  He looks like a shaggy dog.  My hair so really short and it needs washing but I am afriad to wash it.
I never used a curling iron before.  I had it a whole year already.
Well, I hope you come soon.  I am anxious to see you.  So is Bob.  So you are going to the beach and have a condo?  Neat!  So how is school?  It is hard to work and go to school at night.  Do you have a boy friend?  What about Brian?
Well, I will close now.  Write me soon.  Remember I love you dearly and miss you.  I am so glad you called.  Take care.  I love  you.

All my love,
Mom