This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Sunday, May 31, 1981

Small gift

Dear Betsy,

This one dollar is for you to get something for yourself since I can't be there to get you something.  I don't have any money or I would send you more.  Maybe it would buy an ice cream cone?  Remember that I love you very much.  I can hardly wait to see you.  I am so lonely by myself.  Time goes so slowly.  I hope you are well.  Take care of yourself.  I love you.

All my love,
Mom, yours forever

I miss you while you are ill and can't wait to see you feeling like yourself.  Again, completely well and happy.

Saturday, May 30, 1981

Sometime late in May 1981

Dear Betsy, Sandy and Kirstie,

It was good to talk with you but sorry that you were gone, Betsy.  I haven't gotten any letters from you in a long time.  I am lonely.  I have to go to the MAYO clinic this Tuesday to see the best doctors in our country.  The sad part is I don't have the money to get there.  I have my own new custom made wheel chair.  It is navy blue and nice and narrow.  It has big wheels and much nicer than the one I borrowed before.  It is hot here at 12 midnight it is 73 degrees.  I go to physical therapy every day for my hand and also exercise my legs on a big mat.  I made a chocolate cake for my parents and a applesauce jello salad today for them.  It was good.  They won't come and eat here until the entire apartment is cleaned.  That will take me a long time.  I have really rearranged a lot of drawers since Sandy is living there.  I would love to sew but need a good machine.  I had 2 dresses cut out for several years.  My bank account is down to nothing right now and there is no more coming in.  I can't afford to eat much these days.  I have to eat salt free food and that costs more money.  I enjoy reading a lot and don't watch TV very much since Sandy is gone.  I have the radio on a lot.  It is FM music.  It sounds like you had a nice birthday, Sandy.  I wish I could have been with you.  I miss you a lot and want to see all of you as soon as possible.  When do you think you can come?  I now get up early because it is so hot here during the heat of the day.  Is it hot there also?  I think I will make some oatmeal for breakfast tomorrow.  I really like wheat also and put fruit with bananas, prunes, peaches and pears on it.  Plus I eat toast with jam and honey.  For lunch I usually eat cottage cheese and more fruit and a cooked vegetable.  Then for supper I eat a big salad with everything in it plus an egg and salt free cheese.  It is good that way.  I drink lots of milk and coffee.  The coffee doesn't make me nervous like it used to.  I go out with friends and we drink it.  It isn't the best thing for ulcers.  It tastes good though.  I have a magazine for you, Sandy.  I hope I remember to send it to you.  How do you all like Virginia and living so close to Washington DC?  Have you seen a lot of things?  It has Toledo beat that is for certain.  My hair is getting long and thick.  I think I will let it grow and pull it back.  I have trouble brushing it as it is hard to do with only one hand and that is the left one.  I hope you can read my typing as I was never very good at it and I can't write at all so anyone can read it.  How is my dear Gretchen?  Has she grown at all?  I hope she isn't fat.  Well, I must close and get ready for bed.  I hope this card finds you all well and happy.  Take care of yourselves and please write me soon.  I will send cards from MAYO if I go but I have to find the money first.  I am certain the doctors there could help.  It is a long way to go.  It costs $130 one way to fly.  Plus the motels are expensive plus all the food.  I wish one of you could go with me.  I am scared really.  I hope all goes well.  Be sure to write me and take care of yourselves.  Come and visit me as soon as you are all allowed.  I really miss you and love you all very much.  I hope school is OK.  How is Rainbows doing?  Write back soon and remember that I love you all very much.  Be good and we can see each other soon.  Maybe I will be able by then.  I have two canes and crutches.  Write me.  I love you dearly.

All my love,
Mom

So many times ... just the thought of you has changed the color of my day.

Thursday, May 21, 1981

May 21, 1981

Dear Betsy,

I received a letter from your dad today with both Kirstie and your pictures in it.  They are excellent and I am so proud of you.  You have really worked hard for service points.  This is a different typewriter and works hard for me.  So how do you like having Sandy around?  I miss her a lot and you also.  I hope she can pass school and get into Rainbows.  My hand has not improved and it is frustrating.  My feet and legs are really red.  Today I used the cane most of the time.  The doctor may send me to MAYO the first week in June.  It is so far away and the disease is so rare.  I hope you can get Sandy to stick with her diet and exercise program.  Are you sewing?  I wish I could.  I am still packing Sandy's things into boxes.  I haven't even looked in the basement yet.  I will send them UPS with Ronnie probably this weekend.  I hope your asthma is better and you are doing okay in school.  I am sending a little section from the paper.  You will have to trim it as I can't.  Today Grandma and Grandpa have been married 43 years.  It is hot here now which doesn't help my legs.  They like it cool.  I have to take iron pills and stomach pills for the ulcer.  I lost a lot of blood.  It is getting late at night and I have to get up early for physical therapy at the hospital.  I will be enclosing some coupons for all of you to use.  It helps the grocery bill.  Dad gets my groceries for me. 

I just woke up and it is 3 AM and my feet are in a pan of cold water.  I am going to start going to bed early and getting up early.  It is hot here.  So, is Sandy happy?  Are you glad she came?  When are you coming to see me?  I will try and send some grocery coupons in this letter.  This typewriter is terrible.

This is a different typewriter and very old but it is easier to use.  It much be 60 years old or more.  At least it does type for me.  I can hardly write.  I have lots of boxes packed for Sandy and they are in the middle of my living room waiting for Uncle Ron to come and tape and take to UPS.  I hope he comes soon.  I still have her hampster things to gether and send.  Plus my mom has her clean laundry to put in a box.  The apartment is a mess but it really will look better soon.  How are your school grades?  Are you going to summer school?  What will you take?  I wish I could sew me a few clothes.  I need to wash my hair.  It is a problem trying to decide where to do it.  The doctors want to do a small surgery on  my leg to see if there is a certain disease there in the tissue.  I wish they would have done it in the hospital.  I am supposed to go to MAYO clinic on June 4th.  I would have to fly there and see what they say and do.  I would know no one.  Have you been swimming yet this year?  I wish I could swim again.  It sure helps the back.  Well, I must close and pick up some messes and try and make my bed.  Plus I have to make a list for Grandpa to go to the store and get me some food.  Please take care of yourself and write me please, soon.  Remember that I miss you and love you very much.  Come see me soon.

All my love to you,
Your Mom forever,
Mom