Dear Betsy,
I hope you understand this letter.
I am all alone. My parents are in Florida. Bob is in Riverside Hospital in a very confused state. It is so upsetting and I have no one. I don't know what is the right thing to do. We have been separated for almost 14 months. He knows me but he has to go to a skilled Nursing home. I have to go to welfare and get him on Medicaid. My legs will not tolerate. I am a basket case. My attorney says it is to my benefit to stay married and separated because of insurance benefits. If I did divorce him I will have to go on medicaid. I have to have power of attorney signed over to me. He has $16 in his checking account and no cash and no savings. He has mostly all new furniture. Now I have to sell his things and give the money to the state. His apartment is in shambles. He has Cheerios stuck to the floor. Papers are everywhere. Medicaid requires so much and I have no place to look. I am so confused. What will I ever do. His insurance premiums are overdue. Plus because we are still married. Medicaid will take my assets (like my life insurance policy and you kids are the benefactors of $20,000 if I die before 70). My heart is broken.
So how is Markel? Okay after falling? I hope Sandy learned a good lesson. That is awful. I just hope Markel is okay.
Friday
A couple days has passed and I am still upset. My girl friend took me to the Oliver Garden for lunch. It was nice. I am losing weight. It was a late birthday dinner. Yesterday I call my home teacher. I haven't seen him in 11 months but he came over an hour. We decided the best thing is for a divorce. I can't take the strain. I am feeling guilty yet, I have done everything for Bob for 6 years. I went thru the papers on his floors and tables. Betsy, he owes money - thousands of money for medical bills. I went to see my attorney today. He says I am responsible for everything because we are still married. He says if I have a divorce I won't have to file for bankruptcy. I feel so bad and sad. I haven't seen Bob for 2 days. I don't know what I am feeling. As soon as Medicaid is approved he will go to villa North Nursing Home. In the past 4 days he has received from UPS - 8 pkgs of all new things. Almost everything he has is new.
He owes $100 to Ohio Bell for phone. He owes an electric bill and all these old medical bills. I would probably cry everything out to you. I do love you Betsy, oh, so much. I need some help. I am not coping very well. I appear calm to everyone. When I am alone I make a crying sound all the time.
My parents should be home about the 1st. I wish they would call me. I only have my cat, Kelly. I tell her all my problems and love her so much.
Well, I have to close. I hope you are well. When can we see each other. I miss Aunt Ida so much. She was a wonderful person.
Well, I have to close. Remember, I love you, honey. Your birthday is almost here. Say a pray for me, please.
I was baptized in the Mormon church 18 years ago yesterday. It seems so long ago.
Take care of yourself. I miss you.
All my love,
Mom
Wednesday, February 24, 1988
Friday, February 19, 1988
February 19, 1988
Dear Betsy,
I got your letter yesterday. Sounds like your love life is coming out in full bloom and with your new man. A doctor at that!!
Does he know your mom is a RN? We would have a lot in common.
Sandy just called and Markel is very sick. She wants me to move to VA and live with her and Mark.
Bob is still in the hospital. The doctor thinks it would be best to put him in a skilled nursing home. That will force me to divorce him. I can't get medicaid without him. I see my attorney tomorrow. I hope he helps. The social worker says I have to apply for medicaid for Bob. I don't see how I can do that. I haven't been to see Bob. Last night I cried a lot. I feel sorry for him but it is really his own fault. The strokes and high BP have caused his mood changes.
In 1982 he was so wonderful and he loved me. I was lonely and fell in love with him. I have really tried to help him. I still feel bad and guilty if I rationalize. It's hard to explain.
Kelly is here beside me. I think she gets cold because it is so cool in here. I really adore her.
Well, I am going to close so this goes in the noon news. Take care of yourself and have fun.
Remember that your mom love you so much.
All my love,
Mom
I got your letter yesterday. Sounds like your love life is coming out in full bloom and with your new man. A doctor at that!!
Does he know your mom is a RN? We would have a lot in common.
Sandy just called and Markel is very sick. She wants me to move to VA and live with her and Mark.
Bob is still in the hospital. The doctor thinks it would be best to put him in a skilled nursing home. That will force me to divorce him. I can't get medicaid without him. I see my attorney tomorrow. I hope he helps. The social worker says I have to apply for medicaid for Bob. I don't see how I can do that. I haven't been to see Bob. Last night I cried a lot. I feel sorry for him but it is really his own fault. The strokes and high BP have caused his mood changes.
In 1982 he was so wonderful and he loved me. I was lonely and fell in love with him. I have really tried to help him. I still feel bad and guilty if I rationalize. It's hard to explain.
Kelly is here beside me. I think she gets cold because it is so cool in here. I really adore her.
Well, I am going to close so this goes in the noon news. Take care of yourself and have fun.
Remember that your mom love you so much.
All my love,
Mom
Tuesday, February 16, 1988
February 16, 1988
Dear Betsy,
I am trying to write this letter by laying on my right side. It is very difficult to do but my left leg is red so I changed to laying on the right side for a while. I haven't been feeling well. My BP was low and I felt weak but better today.
Bob has really been bugging and now he is in the hospital. I am not going to see him. My attorney is changing the legal separation to a divorce. He will be furious. He swears at me. Then when he is sick he pounds on my door and says, "Judy, please help me." Being a nurse it is my professional duty to help a sick person. I got him a doctor's appointment and he is in the hospital. He doesn't take his medicine or eat. He always wants to go out to eat. I am not supposed to lift more than 10# and his wheel chair weighs 50#.
Grandma and Grandpa are leaving tomorrow for Florida. I hope they have a good time. They need it. They got me my groceries Saturday which I was glad for.
So how is your love life? What about your feelings about Kermon? I think he is using you. Don't be available all the time. Have you met anyone new yet?
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Easter will be early this year. I might go for services close by. The LDS church is 30 minutes away which is a total of an hour driving. It is going to be 40 degrees or higher. the Missionary sisters are coming tomorrow to do the Spiritual Living lesson. Do you go to church? I still don't know where I belong. I know where I don't belong though. I guess I'll always be a Mormon. I believe their doctrine. We have three wards now.
Thank you for the nice Valentine and remembering me. No one else did. I love to hear from you. It means so much to me that you care. I love you!!!
I really enjoy listening to my cassettes. It helps pass the time and the days are long. I am awake from 5:30 am on through the day. I go to bed early because of my legs. I have to be off them a lot. I dread summer and the heat.
I am going to start eating more good food. I have lost almost 10#. Today I ate whole wheat toast with poached egg and bowl of cereal plus juice. I feel better at 125#. I only weigh 118#.
My head has been feeling weird lately and I don't know why.
Well, honey, I guess I am out of news. If I hurry I can get this in the mail today. All I have to do is walk down the hall.
Remember I love you so very much. Write soon, honey.
All my love,
Mom
I am trying to write this letter by laying on my right side. It is very difficult to do but my left leg is red so I changed to laying on the right side for a while. I haven't been feeling well. My BP was low and I felt weak but better today.
Bob has really been bugging and now he is in the hospital. I am not going to see him. My attorney is changing the legal separation to a divorce. He will be furious. He swears at me. Then when he is sick he pounds on my door and says, "Judy, please help me." Being a nurse it is my professional duty to help a sick person. I got him a doctor's appointment and he is in the hospital. He doesn't take his medicine or eat. He always wants to go out to eat. I am not supposed to lift more than 10# and his wheel chair weighs 50#.
Grandma and Grandpa are leaving tomorrow for Florida. I hope they have a good time. They need it. They got me my groceries Saturday which I was glad for.
So how is your love life? What about your feelings about Kermon? I think he is using you. Don't be available all the time. Have you met anyone new yet?
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Easter will be early this year. I might go for services close by. The LDS church is 30 minutes away which is a total of an hour driving. It is going to be 40 degrees or higher. the Missionary sisters are coming tomorrow to do the Spiritual Living lesson. Do you go to church? I still don't know where I belong. I know where I don't belong though. I guess I'll always be a Mormon. I believe their doctrine. We have three wards now.
Thank you for the nice Valentine and remembering me. No one else did. I love to hear from you. It means so much to me that you care. I love you!!!
I really enjoy listening to my cassettes. It helps pass the time and the days are long. I am awake from 5:30 am on through the day. I go to bed early because of my legs. I have to be off them a lot. I dread summer and the heat.
I am going to start eating more good food. I have lost almost 10#. Today I ate whole wheat toast with poached egg and bowl of cereal plus juice. I feel better at 125#. I only weigh 118#.
My head has been feeling weird lately and I don't know why.
Well, honey, I guess I am out of news. If I hurry I can get this in the mail today. All I have to do is walk down the hall.
Remember I love you so very much. Write soon, honey.
All my love,
Mom
Friday, February 12, 1988
February 12, 1988
Hi Honey,
So good to talk with you. I really do enjoy our talks. You do not know how much I love you. I am sending the enclosed check to help with the phone bill. It isn't much but I hope it helps.
I am hypothermia today with a temp of 95. My speech is slurred and my head is spinning. I have a call into the doctor. I hope he doesn't put me in the hospital.
We are having a snow storm. All schools are closed. The wind is blowing. I can't go out. Tomorrow I start PT at the hospital across the street. They will do ultrasound and then hot packs to my back. It really helped when I was in the hospital.
I am going to see the social worker this afternoon. She comes to help with medicaid. I want to divorce Bob. Right now he pays my insurance premiums and I get my meds with little cost. But, everything is mailed to him. So I feel very trapped. If Aunt Ida's will is for my mom, I plan to move to a nice apartment and they will help with the rent. Most one bedroom apartments start at $300. Right now Bob lives next to me and bugs me all the time. It is very upsetting. People here probably think I am awful being his wife. He embarrasses me. I want to be free of him forever. He is changing for the worst. I can't take much more. Can you understand what I am saying? I wish I could start all over again. I should never have married him in the 1st place, but he was so nice to me. He is terrible now. His language is vulgar. Oh well, live and learn.
So, how is life with Kermon? Has he come around yet? How was your date you talked about, it was the older man?
Someone in here braved the snow and wind and got a gallon of milk. Grandma and Grandpa had to see Aunt Ida's lawyer. I was supposed to see my attorney. Now he will call hopefully about the divorce. I can't wait much longer. You see, when I went to court in December, the refreeze reused to accept the papers because Bob's name was misspelled. So he has to be served papers all over again. He will be furious because he doesn't want a divorce. Yesterday he gave the most gold watch and I took it.
I sure Sandy isn't pregnant. That is not what she needs. Maybe it is just emotional. I'll guess we have to wait to see.
Well, I am out of any good news so I'll close. Your letters and phone calls mean so much to me. Remember I love you dearly.
All my love,
Mommy
So good to talk with you. I really do enjoy our talks. You do not know how much I love you. I am sending the enclosed check to help with the phone bill. It isn't much but I hope it helps.
I am hypothermia today with a temp of 95. My speech is slurred and my head is spinning. I have a call into the doctor. I hope he doesn't put me in the hospital.
We are having a snow storm. All schools are closed. The wind is blowing. I can't go out. Tomorrow I start PT at the hospital across the street. They will do ultrasound and then hot packs to my back. It really helped when I was in the hospital.
I am going to see the social worker this afternoon. She comes to help with medicaid. I want to divorce Bob. Right now he pays my insurance premiums and I get my meds with little cost. But, everything is mailed to him. So I feel very trapped. If Aunt Ida's will is for my mom, I plan to move to a nice apartment and they will help with the rent. Most one bedroom apartments start at $300. Right now Bob lives next to me and bugs me all the time. It is very upsetting. People here probably think I am awful being his wife. He embarrasses me. I want to be free of him forever. He is changing for the worst. I can't take much more. Can you understand what I am saying? I wish I could start all over again. I should never have married him in the 1st place, but he was so nice to me. He is terrible now. His language is vulgar. Oh well, live and learn.
So, how is life with Kermon? Has he come around yet? How was your date you talked about, it was the older man?
Someone in here braved the snow and wind and got a gallon of milk. Grandma and Grandpa had to see Aunt Ida's lawyer. I was supposed to see my attorney. Now he will call hopefully about the divorce. I can't wait much longer. You see, when I went to court in December, the refreeze reused to accept the papers because Bob's name was misspelled. So he has to be served papers all over again. He will be furious because he doesn't want a divorce. Yesterday he gave the most gold watch and I took it.
I sure Sandy isn't pregnant. That is not what she needs. Maybe it is just emotional. I'll guess we have to wait to see.
Well, I am out of any good news so I'll close. Your letters and phone calls mean so much to me. Remember I love you dearly.
All my love,
Mommy
Thursday, February 4, 1988
Monday, February 1, 1988
February 1, 1988
Dear Betsy,
I am playing one of your tapes now. I listened to them yesterday and they are beautiful. I am home from the hospital. I was in 11 days. I miss the ultrasound and hot packs to my back. It is dreary and raining here and getting colder. I go to my back doctor tomorrow. I will get the treatments on out patient basis at St. Charles. They really help my back. My back is sore now because it is damp.
I lost a lot of weight but have gained back 2# already. My birthday is coming up. I'll be 46. Mom and dad are taking me to Bill Knapp's for 46% off my bill. I have to get my drivers license soon. I hope my eyes pass the test. I do feel better. I am not vomiting. The doctor put me on an antidepressant and it helped but I got the shakes so I didn't take it the past 2 nights. I am no so nervous which I am happy about. I saw Aunt Ida on Saturday. She looks really bad. She responded to me more than anyone so far. She can't talk or mover her right side. I did things to make her more comfortable. Mom told her she had me as her special nurse. She seemed to like that. I bought something for her dry lips.
Saturday I had my thick hair thinned and it feels better. I am going to let it grow long. I hate it now. It is so course and bushy. I bought a good conditioner yesterday. I have to wash it today to make it look better.
I went to church yesterday. I hadn't been in quite a while. I never felt like going. I got up today at 6:30 am and ate and got busy. I love the music I hear of your tapes right now.
My 25th class reunion of Nursing school is the weekend of June 11. It costs $30 a person. I plan to go somehow. I'll have to prop my feet and legs up. I have lived in this apartment for one year and my pictures still aren't up. I need 2 room darkening shades also.
My mom has Aunt Ida's power of attorney. I guess the nursing home gets all Aunt Ida's money and house. Mom wants to sell her car. The one bedroom outfit is mine because Grandpa Deakin gave it to me. I'd like her big TV. If only they would give you kids the furniture and things. I know Sandy and Mark could use it. Maybe, you, Kirstie, Sandy and Mark could come and unload my storage cage and get the furniture some weekend soon. Think about it. There is a lot for all!!! and free!!!
I haven't heard from Sandy lately. I hope all is well. I bet Markel gets prettier every day. I would love to move to VA and be around all of you. I could watch Markel grow. Who knows, you could get married and have a baby.
I drink Shakley's meal shakes between meals. I put vanilla in them and use the vanilla meal shake.
I hope all is well. Write me soon. I love to hear from you and appreciate your letters.
Remember, honey, I love you very much. I'd love to see you. Come visit me. You could stay with me as I have a sofa bed. Think about it.
What is happening with Kermon? Write.
Love and kisses.
All my love,
Mom
The music is so pretty. Thanks!
I am playing one of your tapes now. I listened to them yesterday and they are beautiful. I am home from the hospital. I was in 11 days. I miss the ultrasound and hot packs to my back. It is dreary and raining here and getting colder. I go to my back doctor tomorrow. I will get the treatments on out patient basis at St. Charles. They really help my back. My back is sore now because it is damp.
I lost a lot of weight but have gained back 2# already. My birthday is coming up. I'll be 46. Mom and dad are taking me to Bill Knapp's for 46% off my bill. I have to get my drivers license soon. I hope my eyes pass the test. I do feel better. I am not vomiting. The doctor put me on an antidepressant and it helped but I got the shakes so I didn't take it the past 2 nights. I am no so nervous which I am happy about. I saw Aunt Ida on Saturday. She looks really bad. She responded to me more than anyone so far. She can't talk or mover her right side. I did things to make her more comfortable. Mom told her she had me as her special nurse. She seemed to like that. I bought something for her dry lips.
Saturday I had my thick hair thinned and it feels better. I am going to let it grow long. I hate it now. It is so course and bushy. I bought a good conditioner yesterday. I have to wash it today to make it look better.
I went to church yesterday. I hadn't been in quite a while. I never felt like going. I got up today at 6:30 am and ate and got busy. I love the music I hear of your tapes right now.
My 25th class reunion of Nursing school is the weekend of June 11. It costs $30 a person. I plan to go somehow. I'll have to prop my feet and legs up. I have lived in this apartment for one year and my pictures still aren't up. I need 2 room darkening shades also.
My mom has Aunt Ida's power of attorney. I guess the nursing home gets all Aunt Ida's money and house. Mom wants to sell her car. The one bedroom outfit is mine because Grandpa Deakin gave it to me. I'd like her big TV. If only they would give you kids the furniture and things. I know Sandy and Mark could use it. Maybe, you, Kirstie, Sandy and Mark could come and unload my storage cage and get the furniture some weekend soon. Think about it. There is a lot for all!!! and free!!!
I haven't heard from Sandy lately. I hope all is well. I bet Markel gets prettier every day. I would love to move to VA and be around all of you. I could watch Markel grow. Who knows, you could get married and have a baby.
I drink Shakley's meal shakes between meals. I put vanilla in them and use the vanilla meal shake.
I hope all is well. Write me soon. I love to hear from you and appreciate your letters.
Remember, honey, I love you very much. I'd love to see you. Come visit me. You could stay with me as I have a sofa bed. Think about it.
What is happening with Kermon? Write.
Love and kisses.
All my love,
Mom
The music is so pretty. Thanks!
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