This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Wednesday, August 29, 1990

August 29, 1990

Dear Betsy,

My visiting teachers came 2 days ago.  Some lady brought them that knew the way.  We had a nice visit.  They brought 2 old church news, 3 large print Reader's Digest, Relief Society manual.  It sure was good to see someone besides Earl.  I am making a church dress out of the material I enclosed.  I think that it will be very pretty.  It was supposed to cost $8 and I got it for $3.50 a yard.  Earl has been working on it and sewing it.  I really wanted to do it but he can't cut wood in the heat and right now it is storming.  Well, that is all the additional news I have.  Remember that we love you and pray for you every night.

All our love,
Mom and Earl

Wednesday, August 22, 1990

August 22, 1990

Dear Betsy,

How are you doing?  Did you get my letters?  How was your trip?  We had Earl's daughter and husband stay with us so they could have motel money.  They took us out to eat at a nice place Saturday.  The wedding was lovely and the reception was okay.  Her colors were burgundy and pink.  I had my hair done at Penney's in Lancaster at 8 AM.  Then I came home and made breakfast for our company.  Earl and I stopped at McDonald's for a Sausage McMuffin with egg and cheese.  It is very good.  I even wore my white shoes that I got married in.  I've only worn them 2 times.  I have a brand new pair of tennis shoes that are pink and white and they adjust across the top.  I bought a slacks pattern with a dress on it and I am anxious to start sewing.  I wear size 14 now in all clothes.  My medicine is making me gain weight and there is nothing I can do about it.  It is the Cortisone for the Scleroderma.  My biggest problem with it is I have a terrible swallowing.  Our bed is (head of bed) is up on 4 inch blocks which is supposed to help me.  I am on ulcer medicine my tummy is so sore.  My dear cat has been urinating and pooping on our carpet.  So we shut her up in the bathroom and she is very unhappy.  I even took her canned food last night thinking she might poop.  She cries all the time.  Our new puppy is outside because she got into everything and when we went away, oh what a mess.  We put her in the bathroom.  When we got home what a mess for us to clean up!  She doesn't bark yet for us.  She did once and that was it.  She is half Shepard and half back Labrador retriever.

We have no money except we charge but our payments are very high.  We have $50 cash until the …  Our checking account is the $50.  So I will finish this letter and then on the 1st, I can buy a roll of stamps.  I must have 30 outstanding medical bills.  Plus all the utilities, charge accounts.  So we won't be going out to eat at McDonald's or Bob Evans.  We usually go to breakfast at McDonald's and eat lunch or supper out.  I cook a lot.  We just charged a microwave so I can cook and bake in it.  The one we have now doesn't do anything.  It cooks or heats on high power, that's all.  It doesn't defrost, back a certain %'s.  This is a Sears one we are getting and we have to wait until they get in.

I have been busy pulling the weeds in front of the house.  It is a never ending job.  It does look better.  Earl has been busy cutting wood and getting ready for winter.

What should I do about the garments?  Should I call Salt Lake Distribution Center and get them when I can after the 1st?  I just thought you could get them quicker.  Just get the three bottoms now and send them.  I'll pay you.  I can wait on the tops.  If we had the money we would come there again and I could get my recommend  and we could go through the Temple together.    Oh.  That would be nice.  It is going to storm this afternoon.  I just put the light on so maybe I can see better.  We had a nice time when we visited last fall.  Hard to believe it has been that long.

Tomorrow we go to Circleville and take our library tapes back.  We get 4 videos every time we go.  Earl enjoys them a lot.  I listen and type, etc.  My hands are loosing feeling so I can't write much anymore.  It is cause by the Scleroderma.  I am supposed to go to Ohio State Hospital in Columbus.  My doctor is on vacation.  Maybe we will go to Chilecothe.  It is a lot closer.  If we can't do that, we will go to Toledo and see Dr. Shoen.  He has seen me a lot.  He researches Ertthromelagia and knows a lot about it.  The doctor that handles Scleroderma is called a rheumatoidologist and that is what Dr. Shoen is.  My hands shake most of the time and there must be something they can do.  Say a prayer for me.  I could use one.

Well, you will never guess who just came to see me from the church.  It was a retired couple like Earl and me.  No one can find us.  They live fairly close by and know the area.  So they decided to come and find us.  Now, they said my visiting teachers can find me and will be here next week.  This couple will be back in 2 weeks.  I need friends and I love people.

Alex is 2 in a couple of days.  It is hard to believe.  Then Markel has her third birthday.  I wish I could see them again.  I wish they could come here.

Earl's daughter and husband stayed here this past weekend and we had fun together.  Evelyn loves to cook so I am sending her some recipes.  I made these delicious bran muffins.  She loved them.  She is heavy set because she loves to eat.

I went to Circleville today because I complained that I never drive the car.  Earl go and get the tapes, Rx, and a cup of coffee.  I got everything and made it home safely.  I was so nervous from not driving for so long.  I didn't drink coffee.  I am trying to get my Temple Recommend.  How often do you get to the Temple?  I wish we could go through together.  Maybe soon.  I wish I had some friends.  It is lonely when Earl is outside.  He came in at 2 PM and was exhausted so he laid down an hour.  Now we are watching a video that I got today.  I also got a book called "The Awakening of the Soviet Union."  It is only 200 pages and it sounded good.  I can only have it for two weeks because it is a new book.  Well, I am out of news and will close.  Hope you are well and happy.  Remember that I love you dearly.  I have no stamps so you won't get this until after the first.  I miss you.

All my love,
Mom and Earl


Monday, August 13, 1990

August 13, 1990

Dear Betsy,

I got your letter today and was so happy.  We went to town today and found a paper that had a dog in it to give to good home.  We had to go to Tarlton which is quite a ways away to find her.  She is coal black everywhere.  Her body, ears, nose, eyes, moth and nails are all black.  She is a mix between a German shepherd  and Black Labrodor Retriever.  We got her for protection.  She is 10 weeks and already weighs 18# so she will be a horse when full grown.  We took her outside twice and the second time she did her business.  She loves to eat and drink water and clean our plates.  She is a darling puppy.  We named her Blackie for obvious reasons.  It is 12 AM and we have to heave here at 8 AM in order to get there on time.  Gram brought me a pile of small books on romance.  They look good.  I think I'll read my Temple booklet after I type this to you.  Nitten, our cat is afraid of the dog.  The dog runs after her and wants to play.  Oh, Betsy, when I go to feed Blackie she knocks the food out of my hand and wags her tail and knocks every thing over.  She is so cute.  We came up to the loft after supper to watch a video and she came up and laid by Earl.  Then when we went downstairs she was so scared.  I brought her home and gave her a bath.  She had been in a pen outside and was so very wet because it poured rain.

My scleroderma is not good.  The way my hands are is the way my throat  and esophagus are. I will probably be put on Coritsone soon and I don't want it after all the trouble Kirstie had.  My feet and legs are the same - hot, red and swollen.  I have learned tolive with them for the most part.  The pain is what gets to me.  They swell when I am on them too much or it is really hot outside.  This is the 4th letter I have written to you since you left.  Have you been getting them via Kirstie?  I need your correct address and then I will know that you got them.  Please send it to me and your phone number.  We have so many medical buills that I don't know where to begin because we only have $100 to the end of the month.  This weekend Earl's daughter and son-in-law are coming for the wedding and staying with us.  So I have to clean again and get groceries.  They are big eaters.  I hope Blackie behaves with them here.  They have a dog and cat.

Our basement is full of water.  I called the builder and he came right over.  The drain and pipes from the bath tub let go and he fixed them.  All my boxes of things are soaked and get moldy if I don't get them soon.  We have three full wardrobe boxes down there.  They all have clothes on the bottom.  My washer and dryer are in water too.  We have our work cut out for us.  Is my typing any better?  I am sure getting fast.  I still make mistakes and have to use the liquid for correction fluid.  We ate a simple lunch at Bob Evans today.  Tonight I burnt my lips and mouth on a cup of hot chocolate.  I am surprised I haven't awaken Earl with all this typing and the radio on.  I am beginning to feel sleepy but it will pass.  I have too much to do around and too much reading to get done.  This is the one time I can read and understand it.  I have my scriptures to do yet.

Did I tell you that I cut my hair and every one really likes it.  So do I.  Earl thinks I look really good this way.  I am too old to wear long hair and it is too think.  Earl says my hair is softer now and it usually is like a horses tail.  My dress for the wedding is a shiny royal blue.  Very dressy.  Cost $50.  Not really that bad when you consider I have a nice evening and cocktail dress.  Earl gave me a diamond pendant and an opal pendant with a pair of opal earrings to match.  I already have 3/4 carrot diamond earrings that we bought shortly after we were married.  I have lovely jewelry and forget to wear it.  I have two full jewelry boxes full of jewelry play what Earl has locked up for me.  I have a set of ruby's also.  The ruby rings were Aunt Ida's and are genuine ruby.  Well, I am running out of news.  I feel bad that I haven't written more.  Give me your phone number and I will call you for a few minutes because Earl has a fit if a person talks long.  I never call anyone long distance unless it is to Circleville.  Remember that I love you dearly and miss you.  Take care of yourself.  Give Kirstie my love.  Her letter will be written tomorrow.  I love you.

All my love,
Mom

Saturday, August 11, 1990

August 11, 1990

Dear Betsy,

I have sent three letters to you at Kirstie's.  Have you received them?  I surely hope so.  Today Grandma and Grandpa had us meet them at Bob Evans in Circleville.  We had a lovely meal.  Earl and I had the catfish dinner.  Then they followed us to our house and started unloading their truck.  We got a 12 pack of Coke and 4 bottles of other pop.  Then we got bananas and a big canister of fresh blueberries.  Grandma brought me typing supplies and correction stuff.  They bought Earl a knit blue shirt and me a khaki pair of darling shorts and got a size twelve and I need a size 14.  So they took it back with them and exchange it.  Your mom is gaining weight.  They all thing I look good at 135#.  Then last week I got my long thick busy hair cut really short and it is darling.  I go back to the hair dresser this coming Saturday to get my hair done for the wedding.  Melissa (Earl's grand daughter) is getting married at 1 PM.  We bought me a beautiful royal blue wedding dress with a shiny sash to it.  Grandma says it is really lovely.  We are all excited about the wedding.  The reception is over by us and not air-conditioned so I don't think I can go.  Earl will go and I feel really bad.  Grandma and Grandpa also brought toilet paper and paper towels and six bars of soap and four sets of wash cloths and had towels.  It was really nice of them and we sure can use everything they brought.  I am anemic and have to take potent iron medicine.  It is hard on the bowels.  I have enough trouble that way anyhow.  All my medicine is constipating.  We spent lots of money on laxatives.  If you know of something good that helps please let me know.  What do you think about all the trouble in Iraq?  I read my scriptures every day and Earl and pray together several times a day.  It is wonderful.  He is good to me, Betsy and I love him dearly.  We are watching a video now and it is called "The Morning After".  It is really good.  We have watched 298 videos from the library so far.  I am going to sew two dresses for the girls.  Plus I bought 2 patterns for clothes for me.  There are dresses, skirts, blouses, slacks, and peddle pushers.  They should make up cute and are size 14.  Earl will help me sew them which I will need as I haven't sewn in such a long time.  The last thing I made was a dress for little Markel.  So how are you doing?  Please write or call me.  I love to hear from you.  Have you been back to the temple?  Have you looked into the garments for me?  I need size 34 in tops and size 30 or 31 in bottoms.  I would like three of each and I will pay you as soon as you tell me what they cost.  Oh, I want them in the blend material.  I have cotton ones now and they are fine for winter but hot in the summer.  If you can't get them and I'll call Salt Lake Distribution Center and order them.  The sooner the better I get them.  I got the magazine on "Temples" that I ordered by mail.  I want to get my Temple Recommend soon.  Maybe Earl will bring me to Washington, DC Temple.  I'd love to see you and Kirstie again.  We just need the money.  I wish I could work and bring in a pay check.  My stomach bothers me a lot on this iron pill.  I watch what I eat and try to be careful.  I ate a banana after Grandma and Grandpa left and my tummy is all upset.  I don't understand why I can't eat a banana.  They are so good.  Tomorrow morning I will put lots of blueberries on my cereal.  I love them so much.  I eat cereal, juices, and a whole grain muffin for breakfast.  Now, Earl eats bacon and eggs, or sausage and eggs with muffin.  He can't drink juice except grape.  I like orange juice and grapefruit juice and I have to eat prunes or prune juice.  Hate them.  I got a nice letter from Bob's Aunt in Nebraska and she is in her 80s.  She finally has left their big farm and moved to the city.  They miss the farm life.  She has always been good about writing.  Bob thought a lot of her.  His mom was her sister.

It is 3 AM now and I am wide awake so I hope to finish this letter so when we go to church today I can mail it.  How are you doing?  I know that you must be quite busy.  I miss not hearing from you.  Please let me hear from you.  I am playing my tape "Our Heavenly Father's Plan".  I got it from the missionaries in Toledo for $1.  I really like it and it is especially for those who have been through the Temple.  I am so proud of you for having gone through the Temple and getting your endowments.

I could lose 10 pounds and probably look better.  I am not heavy.  My bones are big and Earl says I look good.  Better than ever!  I would rather weight 120# but then I am skinny.  What do I do?  You would like me in short hair.  I look a lot younger and that is important.  It is also cooler.  I love your hair.  And how do you keep so thin?  I really don't eat that much yet on goes the weight.  I think it comes from some medications I take.  I have to take them so I guess I live feeling full and stuffed all the time.  My cat is up here in the loft with me.  She is so sweet and we really love her.

Well, I am out of news and will close now.  Hope you are well and stay happy.  Let me know what I should do about the garments.  If you can't get them, I'll call Salt Lake Distribution Center and put it on Mastercard.  Thank you so much.  Remember that your mom loves you and misses you so much.

All our love,
Mom and Earl

Sunday, August 5, 1990

August 5, 1990

Dear Betsy,

I still don't have your correct address so I hope you get this by my sending it to Kirstie.  So how are you?  I hope well.  Today is Church day and we are going.  I have been up since 2 AM. Earl was reading with me and got a headache so he is sound asleep.  It is now 5 AM and I just made some delicious muffins.  I can't decide whether to gain 5# or not.  I am about right now, I think.  The big wedding is less than 2 weeks away.  Everyone is getting excited.  I started e eating a bowl of shredded wheat for breakfast.  Earl has Bacon, eggs, and muffin.  I made him a yellow cake yesterday which is very good.  About the wedding, Kathy gave me an awful shade of pink dress and she is short so it comes up my shins.  So yesterday we went to Lancaster and got me a black and dark blue print.  We had to go to SEARS to get Earl a claw hammer.  So Earl suggested we go to dress department and see if they had anything fancier.  Well, we found a shiny material in royal blue.  It is so pretty.  Cost $50.  Then we had to take the other dress back to Penney's and they refunded me $63.  I have white shoes to wear with it and a white purse.  Earl has a blue suit or a tan one.  I don't know which one he is wearing.  The wedding takes place in Circleville Baptist Church.  The reception is in a lodge by us.  It should be nice.  She is marrying into the family that built our house.  They are all nice people.

Earl and I are going to the dentist this week on Friday.  My teeth really need some care.  Ear'ls former company pays for most of it.  Then as soon as the papers are due and back to us, we can both get our eyes examined and get new glasses for only $10.  You can't beat those benefits.

Yesterday, my order from the Temple magazine came.  I really like it.  Betsy, could you get 3 sets of garments for me in the blend.  The tops are size 34 and I don't know the bottom without taking this one off.  My hips are 36-38.  Let me know the money and I will send it to you right away.  Get them in the blend please.  I would greatly appreciate it so very much.  I am so happy for you.  I am ashamed of myself.  I let my standards slip and my smoking is terrible.  Earl doesn't says anything about my wearing garments.  He thinks they keep me warm.  He is so good to me.  I love him so very much.  We do everything together which is really nice.

Earl's son has been bringing loads of pine wood over for us to burn their winter.  He is the father of the bride and his wife is making him get ride of all his wood.  Earl and I think it is terrible.  Kathy has to have things her way or else.  She means very well but she has hurt her husband.  I am getting my hair thinned, cut short and set at J.C. Penneys on the 16th.  I may get a light perm to give it body.  Kathy and the 2 girls are getting theirs done there also.

I am reading a book called "RN to BSN" which prepares you to take a test to get your BSN degree.  It is difficult and deep but I am determined to do it.  I am doing labor, delivery, newborn baby, etc.  Then in the AJN Magazine there is an article on shock and hemorrhage which I can read and take a test and get 2 contact hours for continuing education if I pass it.  It looks interesting.  Last one I did was on Burns and I got them all right.  I got a certificate.  There is no way I can work.  I would dearly love to work as an RN.  Today my feet are swollen.  They haven't been loke that for ages.  Earl takes me to church every week and says nothing.  At least he goes with me and maybe someday he will want the missionaries.  Please get the garments for me and mail them to me.  I'll send you the money when ever you want it so let me know.  I need three pair.

Well, I am out of news and this letter is full of mistakes.  Please forgive as I type fast.  I hope you are happy and well.  We pray for you every night.  How is your love life?  Are you still dating Rob?  If yes, is there any chance of marriage?  I am working on my temple recommend.  It shouldn't be long now.  I love to come and see you again.  We had such a good time last fall with you and Kirstie.  Then I could go to the Washington Temple with you.  That would be wonderful.  I guess I dream too much.  Grandma and Grandpa send their love.  They will be here in 2 weeks.  Take care of yourself, honey.  Remember I love you dearly and miss you.

All our love,
Mom and Earl