This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Saturday, November 22, 1986

November 22, 1986

Dear Betsy,
Bob has been in the hospital over three weeks.  He is bored and home soon he hopes.  He was in ICU twice because of his blood pressure.  What are you doing for Thanksgiving?  Is that when you are going to Colorado?  I'd love to see more of you.  I miss you.  I really do appreciate your letters.  They brighten the day.  We will probably eat in the community center for free.  Gram and Gramp and Aunt Ida will eat out.  Gramp's birthday is the day before and we will eat there on the 26th.  Aunt Ida used to.  She still does really good for 84 years old.
I go see Bob every day and he appreciates it.  I plan to go to church tomorrow.
Kelly is shedding and losing weight.  The vet says she is depressed because Bob is gone.  Have you ever heard of a depressed cat?
I listen to music every day.  I enjoy it.  I watch a little TV.  I like the evening soaps.  They are all the same though.
Well, I have little news.  Hope you enjoy Colorado.  Write again soon.  Have a nice Thanksgiving.  I miss you and love you dearly.

All my love,
Mom

Wednesday, October 22, 1986

October 22, 1986

Dearest Betsy,
Please forgive me for not writing but I have not been very well.  I had pneumonia with a terrible cough.  Plus my feet have been a real mess.  I feel better now. I do want to thank you for your letters.  So you are wearing glasses.  I bet you look nice in them.  I have to wear mine all the time.  I can't see very well with them.
So you have fallen in love with Kermon.  That is so great.  I hope everything goes well.  How often do you see him?
One of your letters you mentioned "Why were things so different than 2 years ago?"  One reason is I only saw you 30-45 minutes this time.  Last time you were here a week and stayed with me.  I wish I could have seen more of you.  My shoulder hurt so badly - It seems to be already better except I lift the w/c too much.
Bob is doing alright.  His head hurt and he slept so much.  His blood pressure was too high.  It is now down.  I game him a hair cut but he needs a barber that is for sure .  This is a pretty time of year (my favorite).  I bought some nice things there for my Christmas present, etc.  I love to go.
My parents gave me their 1983 Omega Oldsmobile and took my car and sold it.  I love the car.  It has power brakes and power steering.It has cruise control.  It is sand beige and seats 4.
My mother's birthday is Friday so we will all go to Bill Knapp's for supper.  A lady here made a kitchen towel, pot holder, etc.  It is a set and cost $5.00  I hope she likes it.
I am making chili in the crock pot now.  It will cook all day.  It should be good.  We both love chili.
My apartment is a disaster.  We had to unload every cupboard, etc. so they could spray.  We took Kelly to Aunt Ida and Bob and I went to Red Roof Inn.  Well, 4 days later we discovered our big freezer off.  It had blood everywhere and is was full of food.  We may take them to court. We haven't the money to replace it.  We had 24# of beef, 3 roasts, and a pot roast.  We had shrimp and fish and pot pie.  Very upsetting.  I hate living here but we can't afford much else.  Our rent went down starting in January.
My cat Kelly is fine.  She is so spoiled and purrs all day.  She loves to be combed.  We love Kelly even Bob admits it.
Well, I have no news.  I miss you and really love you.  Sorry I haven't written.  Please understand.

All my love,
Mom

Tell Kirstie that I love her and she will hear from me soon.

Thursday, June 5, 1986

June 5, 1986

Dear Betsy,
Today is a dark and rainy day.  I got up at 7:00 pm yesterday and had the worst case of diarrhea ever but OK today.  So how are you?  I enjoy your letters so much.  Bob ate breakfast.  Now he is laying down.  Tonight I am cooking liver.  I love it.  Today I work in the library for 1-3 pm.  Then, tomorrow I take blood pressure for everyone who lives here and it is well over 200.  I have never done that before.

June 9
Sorry it has taken so long to write this letter.  I have had little energy and my feet have really been bothering me.  I have to soak them 2-3 x a day in a pan of ice H20.  I do the laundry.  It is hard for me.  Bob is doing okay except he fell off the bed again and broke the skin on his knee wide open.  It is a mess.  My left hip has a deep crater.  It hurts at night.  I go to Cleveland Clinic for sure on Wednesday at 12:30.  I may be hospitalized for a week.  I don't know.  My feet are worse.  We are renting a car and someone from here is taking us.  I am not telling my parents.  They don't think Bob should go and I do.  It would cost northing to go with them.  But I want Bob there.  I hope they can help me.
So how are you?  I miss you.  So does Bob.  He is fond of you.  It is hot here.  I go out in the mornings when possible.  I am at McDonalds now for Sanka.  I came here for breakfast with a friend.  I have bacon, egg, cheese biscuit.  I always it.  I love it so much.  I took Bob home some pancakes and he cooked a big Italian sausage to go with it and put them in the microwave.
I am glad you are signed up for classes.  When do you start?  In the fall?  How many hours will you work?  You must be going to school after work hours.  I am proud of you.
Are you coming to Toledo this summer to see me?  I miss you.  It has been 2 years.
Well, I am out of news.  Write me back soon.  I love you so very much.  I love to hear from you.

All my love,
Mom

Sunday, May 25, 1986

May 25, 1986

Dear Betsy,
I went to McDonald's this morning for coffee, orange juice, and a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit.  it was so good.  I came home and brought Bob, pancakes which he like.  So did our cat.  I just went to the store and spent fourteen dollars and was worried I had enough for $5.  I had a $5 gift certificate.  You don't get much for your money these days.  I am at Dunkin Donuts on my way home for coffee so I found this paper in my purse and decided to write again.
Gram doesn't like Bob and told me so plus I should have never married him.  Well, that is my business and he is good to me.  He sleeps days so I get lonely or bored.  We spend our evenings together.  He stays up late at night and reads a lot.  I may start playing the violin again.  The only problem is I have to play with my feet elevated.  It is uncomfortable.  

Later
I am home again and waiting to make supper.  How is Kirstie?  Does she get my letters?  She never writes and I miss her.  Tell her I love her.  I love you, too.  It is hard to believe that you are 20 years old.
I haven't any news but I wanted you to know how much I care about you and miss you.
Write when you can.  I love getting your letters.  Take care of yourself.  Enjoy every day.  It is important.  My fun days are gone, but I can't dwell on it.  I think I will do some geneology.  Bob is going to start going to church with me.  I would like that.

All my Love,
Mommy


I LOVE YOU!!!

Thanks for the letters.
I save them all.

Wednesday, May 21, 1986

May 21, 1986

Dear Betsy,
I was so happy to get your inspiring letter.  I appreciate your writing.
My legs and feet are a mess and I am going to Cleveland Clinic in one week on May 28.  I will have a complete work up.  It iwill be like going to MAYO Clinic which I did 5 years ago.  My doctor thinks I may have what Dr. Haun said in 1979- collegen disease with erythromolagia is secondary which is what I have primary.  Very rare and painful.  Grandma and Grandpa are taking me (I think).
May 24
I never got that picture of you and Jim.  I got an empty envelope.  You must be losing your marbles like me!!  hee hee
I went to a vascular doctor yesterday.  He was very understanding byt offers little hope for improvement.  Maybe Cleveland Clinic will help.  I had blood drawn yesterday for more tests.  A friend is driving Bob and me to Cleveland Clinic.  We are renting the car for a day.  It will be hard for me to do.  I will be so exhausted.
I am trying to sleep on my back at night because my hips get big sore holes in them.  My left hip is so sore.
I just made stuffed green peppers.  We love them.  I am going to make meatball stroganoff tomorrow.  It should be good.  I have to go to the store also plus church.  I washed and set my hair today.  It is really growing and thick.
Well, I just went to get the mail and got a letter from you.  Do you think you can come?  I miss you so much.  I don't know the cost but I think Piedmont is direct to Toledo.  Sandy has flown it.
Jim sounds like a guy.  Are you still going with him?  Take your time.
My cat Kelly is a doll.  She is meowing all the time for petting or being held.  I will take this to the post office tomrrow so you get it.  I'd like to move west but I imagine we are stuck in Toledo.  Bob has never seen the beautiful country out west.  I watch a lot of TV.  Bob sleeps during the day.
I must close.  I love you so much.  I miss you honey.  I hope and pray you can come.  Thank you for writing.

All my love,
Mom

Saturday, April 26, 1986

April 26, 1986

Dear Betsy,
It seems like ages since I wrote to you.  Life goes slow when you can't get out.  I go to the community room a lot but it is the same thing over and over.
I developed severe left hip pain and had x-rays.  It was okay.  Then I got pleurisy and now a cough.  I had 102 feever last night.
Bob has a bad cough and fell out of bed and opened his knee up.  It is a mess.  He is okay otherwise.
Kelly is a little cat.  She only weighs 5#.  We love her and she is spoiled.  She can't get on things because she is so tiny and no claws.
Grandma and Grandpa are at Scotish Rite all day today and yesterday.  Grandma is President.  Grandpa told Grandma if he had know about when you were going in Eastern Stars they would have come.  How long have you been in now?
I haven't heard from Sandy.  When is she coming back our way?  When are you going to the beach?  Are you coming to see me?  I sure hope so.
I read magazines a lot and work in the library a day a week.  This is a huge apartment complex and most people are nice.
April 28
I have been sick for 4 days.  I went to the doctor and my temperature was still 102.  I now have to take Motrin 4 x a day.  He is giving me to Wednesday to get better.  If I don't I have to go to the hospital as it could be very serious.  I nearly passed out in his office and laid down.  Bob is starting to feel better.  He still sleeps a lot.
Our wedding anniversary is Sunday and I am hoping we are well enough to get a fish dinner.  I have lost 6# in 6 days.  I can't afford that.  I only weight 114#.
It was ninety here yesterday and today was 85.  I hate it so hot for my legs and feet.
I called Sat to talk with you and Kirstie and you were both gone.  I am sorry I missed you.
We have laundry piled up and I am too weak to do it.  I haven't felt like this in years.  I am drinking a lot of liquids.  Kelly knocked a glass of water over and it got the connection for the phone and extension wet.  Now our phone doesn't work.
Well, I hope you are well.  Your dad said you and Kirstie made a study.  Do you ever go to church?
Well, I will close.  I feel better tonight so maybe it is just a virus.  Write me soon.  Remember I love you and so does Bob.  I miss you.

All my love,
Mom

Monday, April 7, 1986

April 7, 1986

Dear Betsy,
I miss you so much.  How is work going?  I went to the doctor yesterday and am there with bad back today.  I ate a salad bar.  I read the BOM in the restaurant.  so when are you coming to see me?  It has been almost 2 years since I saw you.  I hope to go the store when I am done here.  Bob isn't feeling too well either.  I have a cough, too.  It turned cool again.  The exhaust manifold is broken and it is so noisy.  We live a long way from the South end.  I went to McDonalds for a free egg, cheese, bacon buscuit.  I had to buy coffee and orange juice so the whole meal cost me 52 cents.
Nancy Reid's father died very suddenly and he is 54 years old.  He had a heart attack while sleeping in a chair.
Grandma and Grandpa had a great time in Dallas.  Uncle Dick has 5 cars.  I am so poor and he is rich.  Shelly drives a new jeep.  Ricky has a 4 door pickup and David has a new small car.  Dick drives an Audi and Judy drives a Mercedes Benz.  Must be nice.
I have been reading the BOM.   Do you go to church?  What church?  Does Kirstie go?
The doctor said I had muscle pain in the low back and plerisy on top.  I feel awful.
Next Day
I am on my way to a small store.  It has some good specials.  I hate taking them home.  Kelly got lose last night and I had to run like crazy.  She got out two times.  She is an adorable Siamese.  We love her.  She is a small cat and marked so pretty.  We have a lot of money invested in her.  She is worth it.  I don't know why she runs away.  We had her spayed.
It is cooler here today.  I was dumb enough to leave the apartment with no coat - only with a little sweater.  I came to McDonalds for a new bacon, egg, cheese biscuit.  It is so good.  I get tired of cereal every day.  We are having bean soup today.  Bob made it and we froze it.  He loves soup and sea food.  Do you like fish, lobster, frog leg, etc?
Well, I will close so I can mail it before the mailman comes.  I hope you are well.  Please write me again soon.  Remember I love you so very much.  I love your picture.  I miss you a lot.
Well, I will close.  Write.  I love you.

All my love,
Mom

Bob says, "Hi", too!

Thursday, March 27, 1986

March 27, 1986

Dear Betsy,
I have called you so many times and no answer.  Last night I talked to Kristie for quite a while.  I have been sick and had hypothermia and forgot about everything.  I am fine now.  The doctors here in Toledo want to send me back to MAYO or to the Cleveland Clinic but we can't afford motel bills, etc.  We have insurance.  It is awful to have a rare disease like this.  It may be Dr. Harin's ideas weren't so wrong.  He is gone or I would contact him.  The swelling in my feet has gone down and I am alert and not slurring my speech.  I have low blood pressure and my meds make it 80/50 and I get dizzy.
Today I am driving 1/2 hour each way to get groceries in the South end.  Grandpa and Grandma usually get them but they are in Dallas.  Sunday is Easter and I am going to make it to church.  It is a long way but it is worth it.  I must wash and set my hair.  It is still curly but growing longer all the time.  Did I remember to thank you and Kirstie for the beautiful picture.  I just love it.  Kirstie said I have never written or called since Sandy left.  I have and I call 2 or 3 times and talked with your dad because Kirstie was out.  Please tell her.  I also wrote at Christmas and sent a present.  I know I have a bad memory but I am positive I have written, etc.  She never writes me.  I love you both and miss you.  When are you coming to see me?  How are you feeling?  I hope well.  Today is a lovely day.  Our apartment is a mess.  I haven't been able to do much of anything so I must get busy after Easter.  I'll fix my nails for Easter and wear the blue dress you picked out to marry Bob and pearls from you.  And Raffeine' perfume.  I wish I could have gotten my hair done.  So when do you start school?  Do you still like your car?  Min is 5 years old and starting to need repairs.
Well, I must close and go get all our groceries, etc.  I dread it.  Bob promised to meet me at the entrance and get some groceries.  I have to buy him beer and wine.
Remember I love you dearly.  I miss you.  Give my love to Kirstie and I will write her next.

All my love,
Mom

I love you - Happy Easter!!!

Tuesday, March 18, 1986

March 18, 1986

Dear Betsy,
Just a little Birthday card to say you're held in high regard and you're wished life's best without reserve for that is just what you deserve!
I hope your birthday is one of happiness.  I am proud of you.  I love the pictures of you and Kirstie.  I love you both for giving it to me.  I wish I had a couple wallet size.
Have a happy day.  You can always count on me.  Did you go in OES?  You never said.

Love,
Mom

Saturday, March 15, 1986

March 15, 1986

Dear Betsy,
Excuse me for not writing you except I am exhausted lately.  I had to go to an Endocrinologist last week and they sent me to the lab for thyroid tests.  If my thyroid comes back normal then he is going to give me cortison IV and see what my body does.  My temp has been between 91-95 degrees instead of 98.6 normal.  My ankles are so swollen.  Grandma came yesterday and said I look terrible.  Real nice to hear.  They are planning to go to see Uncle Dick next week.  My cat gets spayed on Wednesday.  She is so lovable.  We call her Kelly.
I am going to start exercising.  They have an exercise bike.  I don't get much exercise with my legs.
March 16
Today I got up at 2:40 and ate breakfast.  I spent the afternoon in the community center.  I had planned to get up at 8:15 and then overslept.
I bought this card from a lady here where I live.  Sorry I couldn't get out for something better.  You know I love you and miss you.
One of the residents has very high pressure and I have to take it every day.  My phone number is ….  I have call waiting.
I appreciate your letters.  Sorry I haven't felt well.  I'll write again soon.  Remember I love you dearly.

All my love,
Mom