Hi,
About three weeks ago I accepted a permanent sub position which meant my free time was gone. However, prior to this commitment, I had agreed to run Red Ribbon week at the high school. Yikes. I can't turn down a long term sub job for just a few lunches and a planning for a special week's worth of activities.
I don't know how, but somehow I made it. I think there were days I absolutely couldn't find enough hours in a day. Five or six o'clock would come faster than anticipated and my window for making phone calls closed.
In that short time I had to find sponsors to cover $1200 - the cost of t-shirts for the end of week challenge. I had to order supplies and material (2000 stickers, 1000 RRW bracelets and 500 packs of red candy). I had to find volunteers to sit at the pledge table every day of the week during lunch. It was a mess, but as of this past Friday - it is behind me.
I am so grateful for this weekend where I could relax and enjoy my family. What a great weekend!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Welcome challenges
Oh, you know there is no such thing as "Things come in THREEs" It all started several years ago, we had gone a good 7-9 years of good luck and then what seemed almost comical in the beginning has now evolved into a realization that there are always challenges. Even in those great 7-9 years that I thought were perfect, we had several challenges - they were just different challenges. Over the past 3 years we have had health/injury challenges. It all started with Jessica getting her finger broken playing basketball with Mark, then Marissa's broken arm, my broken finger and … that was our three. I thought it would end, but it just didn't stop. Maybe the three was in years, not injuries - either way I realize I will not live on earth without challenges. Not that I am asking for them, but I do understand that we are given challenges to help up stay close to the Lord.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Hurray for Humor
Who knew? right…
Humor really is better for discipline than anything else.
1. You keep your cool even though you might be upset
2. It's funny - they remember it
3. It ends in a positive experience
Most importantly you maintained a good relationship, expressed whatever needed to be expressed, and left feeling good.
Humor!!! Gotta love it!
PS: They say smiles and laughs help you live longer :)
Humor really is better for discipline than anything else.
1. You keep your cool even though you might be upset
2. It's funny - they remember it
3. It ends in a positive experience
Most importantly you maintained a good relationship, expressed whatever needed to be expressed, and left feeling good.
Humor!!! Gotta love it!
PS: They say smiles and laughs help you live longer :)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Saying Goodbye
Hi Mom,
You know how I've been dreading the time that I would have to say goodbye to my oldest child as she prepares to leave for college - well, those days have now come to face me square in the face. This past week I have packed, traveled and left her at college - some 2000 miles away. I thought it would be terrible, that it would be like ripping out part of my own heart. How could I go on? How could I pass her room every night without saying "good night" to her?
It's hard to believe but I not only survived leaving her at college, but I am thrilled for her to have this opportunity. It didn't all happen at once. It went like this …
Day 1-Monday: I reminded her she needed to be packing just about everything she wanted to have with her for the next four months. Suitcases, six of them, came up from the basement and were scattered all around her room and mine. She packed up all the winter clothing - one down, five to go. Slowly but surely she made progress.
Day 2-Tuesday: She met with friends and then we finished packing - thanks to space saver bags. (which took forever). Reality starts to hit home. Little sister is crying - I comfort her, she is crying, I comfort her. It was a wonderful talk, the right time and the right words. I really want to thank my Heavenly Father for guiding me.
Day 3-Wednesday: We load the suitcases into the van. The family eats breakfast out together and then drives the younger kids to school. We say our goodbyes there before dad drives us to the airport. It was very hard for her dad to say goodbye. Streams of tears came down his face, eyes redder then ever. We flew out together.
We arrived at college. Check in. Go to the room. It's so exciting!!! We haul the six huge suitcases up the three flights of stairs and star at the blank room. Where to begin? Well, in reality we are both so excited to start decorating her room and getting her settled in. She's scared but excited too. Things get unpacked and a shopping list is created. I'm in the zone - let's get this done. We head out for dinner and for supplies. Oh, My, goodness. $480 later we come back from Target with everything she could possibly need. She's set - the rest is on her. We start in filling drawers, hanging up clothes, and arranging the big items. Everything is done except for the two things that require a screwdriver - who knew. We will have to borrow that from someone. It's late. She's decided to sleep in her dorm. I head to my hotel room. She loves her room and feels very good about being there. I have no worries yet.
Day 4-Thursday: It's orientation day. I meet her at her dorm along with her roommate part of her family (friends of the family). We walk over to check in together. The students go off to their groups and the parents head in the direction they are to go - to the big conference center. At the conference center it hits me - THIS IS THE BIG MOMENT. I realize I am (in a day or two) just leave her here - alone - no family. Her and the big campus. Tears roll down my face. I can't believe I can just leave her - how can I. How terrible. Reality is setting in - my husband faced it a day before, but now I, the one that was strong for everyone else, am alone to face my biggest challenge. I go all day without seeing her or even hearing from her. She's made new friends and is enjoying her orientation. Reality is choking me and I miss her more with every passing minute.
We meet for dinner with our friends. What a great time. That night they had a special celebration entitled "Tradition of Honor" which was all about the Honor Code at BYU and staying true to it! I am so glad Jessica will be at a school that honors her values and morals. Next is when it really hit me for the second time in one day. Jessica, unknowingly really broke my heart. After the "Tradition of Honor" the Freshmen were directed to the Football Stadium to have their Freshman Class Picture taken in the shape of a Y. It is the first time they have ever done this. We were all so excited to go (parents too) until Jessica said, "Are you going?" - emphasis on the Are YOU. Here I've just spent $850 to fly us out, $457 on hotels to stay, $480 at Target for her supplies and I only have specific times that we can spend time together (Jessica has orientation all day tomorrow as well), and she doesn't even want to spend time together. Wow - a dagger straight through the heart. I am happy that she's made friends and wants to be with them, but what hurt is that she doesn't realize she has the whole semester/year to be with them and I've sacrificed a lot to be able to have these last 4 days with her. I let her go off, but I too go to the stadium to get photos. It was quite spectacular. I'd never been to the BYU stadium. It's a thrill. That was it for the night - I went back to the hotel around 10:30.
Day 5-Friday: Jessica has orientation so I enjoy my morning. I take a 5k jog, went grocery shopping for Jessica and then meet her's roommate's mother for lunch. We share about our experiences. I then go off to meet my niece Ali (Alex) Hodge at her apartment. We drive over to the hotel to find my sister, her fiance' and two boys checking in. Perfect timing. We spend the afternoon together before I leave to pick up Jessica for dinner. Now, I'm still feeling very removed from her life, but the reality that "this is what is supposed to be" is sinking in and I conclude that it doesn't matter how much time I have with her, as long as I make it the best. We have a wonderful time with Sandy, Chris, Ali and her boyfriend - Chris, and the two cousins Jessica has never met - Hunter and Riker at Texas Roadhouse.
Day 6-Saturday: This is my last full day in Provo. Jessica works out in the morning with her friends on campus so I get my 5k jog in again. Feels great, but the air is thin. I pick Jessica up at 11:45 so we can meet up with some of her other cousins. I want to make sure Jessica knows that she has family close by. At noon we visit Shannon (Weaver) now Pope and her new husband Nick. They were married just 3 weeks prior. They live just 6 blocks from Jessica's dorm. Then we met Sandy and the crew for lunch before they headed back to Seattle. It was great to see her and Ali! Ali let us borrow a screwdriver so I put up Jessica's drapes and constructed her night stand (it took a whole 15 minutes). We left Provo around 5:00 to meet Jessica's Uncle Alan and Aunt Laurel for dinner. It was so great to see them. Alan and Jessica were very close when Jessica was a young girl (before moving to England). It's great to know she has family close by! We then drove as fast as we could back to campus so Jessica could attend the "Orientation Party and Dance" that started at 8:00. I told her I had to be at the airport by 9:00 so I was going to say my goodbyes tonight. She asked me to come back after the party so she wouldn't be crying before. I said that would be fine. I went back to the hotel until 10:45 and then drove out in the rain. I texted Jessica and offered to pick her up since it was raining and she was walking but she said she would walk back. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SAD. So, I go up to her room and wait in the hallway at 11:00, knowing it will take some time to get back but she should be there soon. 11:15 - no Jessica. I text her - no answer. 11:30 - no Jessica. I text her. no answer. 11:45 - I decide she decided it was more fun to be with friends than to say goodbye to her mom. I'm very sad, crying really. I text her one more time saying that I had waited 45 minutes and really wanted to say goodbye but needed to get going. She finally texted me back and said she was on her way. I was so sad. It truly felt that it was more important for her to be with her new friends than it was for her to say goodbye to me. I just couldn't believe it. I mean I'm happy that she truly seems well adjusted - at least I don't feel the need to worry about her, but really, to forget about saying goodbye to your mother. Ouch!!!
Well, she rushed over and we talked. Her friends showed up needing a ride back to their place so Jessica and I gave Amanda a ride. We then had a chance to talk, hug and say goodbye before she turned to go back in her dorm. Honestly, I cried because I'm so proud of her and will miss her so much, but I wasn't sad (like I thought I'd be). I'm really happy for her and know she is all set. She's prepared, she's got a great schedule, great roommate, new friends, and seems to feel comfortable! What more could I ask for (except that the college not be 2000 miles away). Love her! Miss her! Trust her! Admire her! Respect her! and most of all Happy that she is confident, happy and ready for this next step in her life!
You know how I've been dreading the time that I would have to say goodbye to my oldest child as she prepares to leave for college - well, those days have now come to face me square in the face. This past week I have packed, traveled and left her at college - some 2000 miles away. I thought it would be terrible, that it would be like ripping out part of my own heart. How could I go on? How could I pass her room every night without saying "good night" to her?
It's hard to believe but I not only survived leaving her at college, but I am thrilled for her to have this opportunity. It didn't all happen at once. It went like this …
Day 1-Monday: I reminded her she needed to be packing just about everything she wanted to have with her for the next four months. Suitcases, six of them, came up from the basement and were scattered all around her room and mine. She packed up all the winter clothing - one down, five to go. Slowly but surely she made progress.
Day 2-Tuesday: She met with friends and then we finished packing - thanks to space saver bags. (which took forever). Reality starts to hit home. Little sister is crying - I comfort her, she is crying, I comfort her. It was a wonderful talk, the right time and the right words. I really want to thank my Heavenly Father for guiding me.
Day 3-Wednesday: We load the suitcases into the van. The family eats breakfast out together and then drives the younger kids to school. We say our goodbyes there before dad drives us to the airport. It was very hard for her dad to say goodbye. Streams of tears came down his face, eyes redder then ever. We flew out together.
We arrived at college. Check in. Go to the room. It's so exciting!!! We haul the six huge suitcases up the three flights of stairs and star at the blank room. Where to begin? Well, in reality we are both so excited to start decorating her room and getting her settled in. She's scared but excited too. Things get unpacked and a shopping list is created. I'm in the zone - let's get this done. We head out for dinner and for supplies. Oh, My, goodness. $480 later we come back from Target with everything she could possibly need. She's set - the rest is on her. We start in filling drawers, hanging up clothes, and arranging the big items. Everything is done except for the two things that require a screwdriver - who knew. We will have to borrow that from someone. It's late. She's decided to sleep in her dorm. I head to my hotel room. She loves her room and feels very good about being there. I have no worries yet.
Day 4-Thursday: It's orientation day. I meet her at her dorm along with her roommate part of her family (friends of the family). We walk over to check in together. The students go off to their groups and the parents head in the direction they are to go - to the big conference center. At the conference center it hits me - THIS IS THE BIG MOMENT. I realize I am (in a day or two) just leave her here - alone - no family. Her and the big campus. Tears roll down my face. I can't believe I can just leave her - how can I. How terrible. Reality is setting in - my husband faced it a day before, but now I, the one that was strong for everyone else, am alone to face my biggest challenge. I go all day without seeing her or even hearing from her. She's made new friends and is enjoying her orientation. Reality is choking me and I miss her more with every passing minute.
We meet for dinner with our friends. What a great time. That night they had a special celebration entitled "Tradition of Honor" which was all about the Honor Code at BYU and staying true to it! I am so glad Jessica will be at a school that honors her values and morals. Next is when it really hit me for the second time in one day. Jessica, unknowingly really broke my heart. After the "Tradition of Honor" the Freshmen were directed to the Football Stadium to have their Freshman Class Picture taken in the shape of a Y. It is the first time they have ever done this. We were all so excited to go (parents too) until Jessica said, "Are you going?" - emphasis on the Are YOU. Here I've just spent $850 to fly us out, $457 on hotels to stay, $480 at Target for her supplies and I only have specific times that we can spend time together (Jessica has orientation all day tomorrow as well), and she doesn't even want to spend time together. Wow - a dagger straight through the heart. I am happy that she's made friends and wants to be with them, but what hurt is that she doesn't realize she has the whole semester/year to be with them and I've sacrificed a lot to be able to have these last 4 days with her. I let her go off, but I too go to the stadium to get photos. It was quite spectacular. I'd never been to the BYU stadium. It's a thrill. That was it for the night - I went back to the hotel around 10:30.
Day 5-Friday: Jessica has orientation so I enjoy my morning. I take a 5k jog, went grocery shopping for Jessica and then meet her's roommate's mother for lunch. We share about our experiences. I then go off to meet my niece Ali (Alex) Hodge at her apartment. We drive over to the hotel to find my sister, her fiance' and two boys checking in. Perfect timing. We spend the afternoon together before I leave to pick up Jessica for dinner. Now, I'm still feeling very removed from her life, but the reality that "this is what is supposed to be" is sinking in and I conclude that it doesn't matter how much time I have with her, as long as I make it the best. We have a wonderful time with Sandy, Chris, Ali and her boyfriend - Chris, and the two cousins Jessica has never met - Hunter and Riker at Texas Roadhouse.
Day 6-Saturday: This is my last full day in Provo. Jessica works out in the morning with her friends on campus so I get my 5k jog in again. Feels great, but the air is thin. I pick Jessica up at 11:45 so we can meet up with some of her other cousins. I want to make sure Jessica knows that she has family close by. At noon we visit Shannon (Weaver) now Pope and her new husband Nick. They were married just 3 weeks prior. They live just 6 blocks from Jessica's dorm. Then we met Sandy and the crew for lunch before they headed back to Seattle. It was great to see her and Ali! Ali let us borrow a screwdriver so I put up Jessica's drapes and constructed her night stand (it took a whole 15 minutes). We left Provo around 5:00 to meet Jessica's Uncle Alan and Aunt Laurel for dinner. It was so great to see them. Alan and Jessica were very close when Jessica was a young girl (before moving to England). It's great to know she has family close by! We then drove as fast as we could back to campus so Jessica could attend the "Orientation Party and Dance" that started at 8:00. I told her I had to be at the airport by 9:00 so I was going to say my goodbyes tonight. She asked me to come back after the party so she wouldn't be crying before. I said that would be fine. I went back to the hotel until 10:45 and then drove out in the rain. I texted Jessica and offered to pick her up since it was raining and she was walking but she said she would walk back. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SAD. So, I go up to her room and wait in the hallway at 11:00, knowing it will take some time to get back but she should be there soon. 11:15 - no Jessica. I text her - no answer. 11:30 - no Jessica. I text her. no answer. 11:45 - I decide she decided it was more fun to be with friends than to say goodbye to her mom. I'm very sad, crying really. I text her one more time saying that I had waited 45 minutes and really wanted to say goodbye but needed to get going. She finally texted me back and said she was on her way. I was so sad. It truly felt that it was more important for her to be with her new friends than it was for her to say goodbye to me. I just couldn't believe it. I mean I'm happy that she truly seems well adjusted - at least I don't feel the need to worry about her, but really, to forget about saying goodbye to your mother. Ouch!!!
Well, she rushed over and we talked. Her friends showed up needing a ride back to their place so Jessica and I gave Amanda a ride. We then had a chance to talk, hug and say goodbye before she turned to go back in her dorm. Honestly, I cried because I'm so proud of her and will miss her so much, but I wasn't sad (like I thought I'd be). I'm really happy for her and know she is all set. She's prepared, she's got a great schedule, great roommate, new friends, and seems to feel comfortable! What more could I ask for (except that the college not be 2000 miles away). Love her! Miss her! Trust her! Admire her! Respect her! and most of all Happy that she is confident, happy and ready for this next step in her life!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
The Truth about the Truth
Okay, this has been a question of mine for so many year, and I don't really think there is an answer, but maybe you are wondering the same thing I am wondering…
Okay, is there really TRUTH?
When you are frustrated or disappointed the way moms sometimes get when things are not done like they are supposed to be or when someone lets you down, or whatever… are you supposed to tell the truth and communicate that what you are truly feeling, or are you supposed to take the higher road, and say "Oh, no big deal" or "not a problem" and it isn't in the big picture and it will be forgiven and forgotten in a matter of hours or days, but the truth is you will also remember how frustrating something was or how upset something made you.
After much reflection on this I have determined that it is just that I have let my perspective change over the years to be more realistic than optimistic, which I don't know that I like. It used to be so easy for me to "turn the cheek" or "forgive, forget and move on" and it seems that I (at some exact point in time while raising children) decided someone needed to know that this wasn't "okay" and "no I wasn't happy", but then that overspilled into more than a one-time-deal. So if I have ever made you feel bad because I took a situation too serious - "I am truly sorry". Nothing in life is so important that it damage a relationship. Love is so much stronger than anything else out there and we should constantly be working towards having that fill our hearts instead of anger or disappointment.
Thanks for listening.
Okay, is there really TRUTH?
When you are frustrated or disappointed the way moms sometimes get when things are not done like they are supposed to be or when someone lets you down, or whatever… are you supposed to tell the truth and communicate that what you are truly feeling, or are you supposed to take the higher road, and say "Oh, no big deal" or "not a problem" and it isn't in the big picture and it will be forgiven and forgotten in a matter of hours or days, but the truth is you will also remember how frustrating something was or how upset something made you.
After much reflection on this I have determined that it is just that I have let my perspective change over the years to be more realistic than optimistic, which I don't know that I like. It used to be so easy for me to "turn the cheek" or "forgive, forget and move on" and it seems that I (at some exact point in time while raising children) decided someone needed to know that this wasn't "okay" and "no I wasn't happy", but then that overspilled into more than a one-time-deal. So if I have ever made you feel bad because I took a situation too serious - "I am truly sorry". Nothing in life is so important that it damage a relationship. Love is so much stronger than anything else out there and we should constantly be working towards having that fill our hearts instead of anger or disappointment.
Thanks for listening.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sometimes books speak right to the heart
Over the last few weeks I've been reading these books by Sarah Dessen "Just Listen" and "Lock and Key" and now I'm reading "Dreamland". It's all mixed up but she's captured my high school years in bits and pieces throughout the books - it's a bit too close to home for some of it.
In "Just Listen" they have a mom and dad, that I didn't have but she has two sisters - I had two sisters, and one goes through Anorexia. I remember those days where we cared for Sandy so much. She 5'7 1/2" tall withered away to a miserable 78 pounds. I remember just worrying about her and worrying that I would say the wrong thing whether it was encouraging or observing or whatever. Everything about my life at that time was like walking on egg shells. Living with my dad, Sandy being so sick - living with us or with mom or in a hospital, and Kirstie, the youngest. She shouldn't have to experience all the horror that she has in such few years of life. I was only 3 years older but I felt at least 10 or more. I felt like I was the adult and had to protect her - which I don't think I did a very good job!
It's also about a boy trying to "rape" the main character and how she deals with it in silence. She doesn't tell anyone until the very end and only because it happened again to another girl. I was jolted back to that horrible memory of a horrible night in my own life. It's just awful that people think they can have that evil power over another person.
The next book was closer to home in so many more connective ways, but still not the same. It's a story of this girl whose mother leaves her, alone with no one to care for her. She is 17 and tries her very best to do a good job, but in the end is found out. I know you had to leave me and that you didn't leave me "alone" because you left me with dad, but to me, in the beginning I was left alone to struggle for myself (emotionally), and I was only 14. You left me without saying goodbye. You talked about leaving, but then you just left - and you took Sandy with you. You left me and Kirstie with the person you couldn't live with anymore.
Although dad provided the means, he made me the housekeeper, maid and everything else. I not only had to take care of myself but also tend the laundry and ironing, cook the meals, prepare the lunches, do the chores and somehow pretend to continue on as a normal 7th grader. Somehow I did, and then we moved. I kept it up for a while and then it just all got too much. After dad started to make us pay for our own food and clothes and such (well he gave us $10 a week for food and $100 a month for expenses - which I lost to pay for my car) I just couldn't take the abuse and the perverted things that took place - so one day I just left. I was lucky to have a vacant, furnished place to go in the beginning - that lasted about a month. It was almost like a hide out. I had enough money, I had a bed, I had food and I had a car. I even was pretending to make it through school, but then the car broke down and the vacant place became occupied so I was out - out of a house and out of a car.
In the book, Ruby is rescued by her sister and brother-in-law. Jamie is amazing! I wish more people in this world had an attitude like the one portrayed by "Jamie". Ruby learns to trust and love again.
These books they just take you back. I hated my life as a teenager. I think if it weren't for Rainbow Girls or super-fantastic great friends I wouldn't have survived. Well, and in reality I would not have survived if it hadn't been for that one person that saved me that one night that I really thought there wasn't a reason to live anymore. "Who would care if I were here or not?" I would think. No one. Everyone's lives would go on. Thank goodness I didn't listen to those thoughts for too long. Thank goodness I knew deep down inside that there was still so much out there - a chance - a hope - a new life - my life. Thank goodness I looked ahead and not behind and thank goodness I kept going. Now, look at that pathetic teenage girl's life. I put myself through school (for the most part), I married a wonderful man, I am the mother of four wonderful children, I give and serve others, I have a beautiful home, and will give my children a beautiful life, dependable parents, stability, love and compassion, encouragement and acceptance, and a college education. I broke the chain of ugliness. This part is similar - Ruby and Cora both end up with a better life, help others and move on. I wish more people could learn to put the bad parts in the past and keep them in the past so that they can enjoy and cherish the present and future!
Anyway, I've just started Dreamland and it's about a girl that runs away - that's what I did. I ran away from Dad and Alison when I was 17 (almost 18) years old. She left for love - I left to save my life. When she left, she left her sister - someone that loved and looked up to her… I did the same, without even thinking how much it could have (did) hurt her.
It's crazy that this author writes about so many things that cross over into my past life.
In "Just Listen" they have a mom and dad, that I didn't have but she has two sisters - I had two sisters, and one goes through Anorexia. I remember those days where we cared for Sandy so much. She 5'7 1/2" tall withered away to a miserable 78 pounds. I remember just worrying about her and worrying that I would say the wrong thing whether it was encouraging or observing or whatever. Everything about my life at that time was like walking on egg shells. Living with my dad, Sandy being so sick - living with us or with mom or in a hospital, and Kirstie, the youngest. She shouldn't have to experience all the horror that she has in such few years of life. I was only 3 years older but I felt at least 10 or more. I felt like I was the adult and had to protect her - which I don't think I did a very good job!
It's also about a boy trying to "rape" the main character and how she deals with it in silence. She doesn't tell anyone until the very end and only because it happened again to another girl. I was jolted back to that horrible memory of a horrible night in my own life. It's just awful that people think they can have that evil power over another person.
The next book was closer to home in so many more connective ways, but still not the same. It's a story of this girl whose mother leaves her, alone with no one to care for her. She is 17 and tries her very best to do a good job, but in the end is found out. I know you had to leave me and that you didn't leave me "alone" because you left me with dad, but to me, in the beginning I was left alone to struggle for myself (emotionally), and I was only 14. You left me without saying goodbye. You talked about leaving, but then you just left - and you took Sandy with you. You left me and Kirstie with the person you couldn't live with anymore.
Although dad provided the means, he made me the housekeeper, maid and everything else. I not only had to take care of myself but also tend the laundry and ironing, cook the meals, prepare the lunches, do the chores and somehow pretend to continue on as a normal 7th grader. Somehow I did, and then we moved. I kept it up for a while and then it just all got too much. After dad started to make us pay for our own food and clothes and such (well he gave us $10 a week for food and $100 a month for expenses - which I lost to pay for my car) I just couldn't take the abuse and the perverted things that took place - so one day I just left. I was lucky to have a vacant, furnished place to go in the beginning - that lasted about a month. It was almost like a hide out. I had enough money, I had a bed, I had food and I had a car. I even was pretending to make it through school, but then the car broke down and the vacant place became occupied so I was out - out of a house and out of a car.
In the book, Ruby is rescued by her sister and brother-in-law. Jamie is amazing! I wish more people in this world had an attitude like the one portrayed by "Jamie". Ruby learns to trust and love again.
These books they just take you back. I hated my life as a teenager. I think if it weren't for Rainbow Girls or super-fantastic great friends I wouldn't have survived. Well, and in reality I would not have survived if it hadn't been for that one person that saved me that one night that I really thought there wasn't a reason to live anymore. "Who would care if I were here or not?" I would think. No one. Everyone's lives would go on. Thank goodness I didn't listen to those thoughts for too long. Thank goodness I knew deep down inside that there was still so much out there - a chance - a hope - a new life - my life. Thank goodness I looked ahead and not behind and thank goodness I kept going. Now, look at that pathetic teenage girl's life. I put myself through school (for the most part), I married a wonderful man, I am the mother of four wonderful children, I give and serve others, I have a beautiful home, and will give my children a beautiful life, dependable parents, stability, love and compassion, encouragement and acceptance, and a college education. I broke the chain of ugliness. This part is similar - Ruby and Cora both end up with a better life, help others and move on. I wish more people could learn to put the bad parts in the past and keep them in the past so that they can enjoy and cherish the present and future!
Anyway, I've just started Dreamland and it's about a girl that runs away - that's what I did. I ran away from Dad and Alison when I was 17 (almost 18) years old. She left for love - I left to save my life. When she left, she left her sister - someone that loved and looked up to her… I did the same, without even thinking how much it could have (did) hurt her.
It's crazy that this author writes about so many things that cross over into my past life.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
What do you do
Why is it that some of the most confounding questions are also the ones you already know the answers to?
What do you do …
You'd tell me to Pray, listen to my heart, speak with a soft voice.
You'd tell me to show compassion, respect, and be patient.
You'd tell me it will all work out, and that it's not the END of the world - because it's not!
You'd be right!
What do you do …
You'd tell me to Pray, listen to my heart, speak with a soft voice.
You'd tell me to show compassion, respect, and be patient.
You'd tell me it will all work out, and that it's not the END of the world - because it's not!
You'd be right!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
College is getting closer
I can't believe my oldest daughter is about to leave for college. I hope I've done all I can, all that I should have to prepare her for this next stage of her life. She is already starting to experience new and challenging emotions related to the subject. Prior to graduation she was so excited - telling everyone where she is going, what she will be studying, and how excited she is to be going to the college of her choice. Since then she's had quite a few days of spending time with friends, searching for a job and enjoying the beginning of "her last summer at home" (even though she'll be coming home for summer every year).
Last night the tears flowed like an unstoppable faucet as she stared into the screen of her computer. The computer was saying, "It's time to register for classes - here is the class catalog - you can start tomorrow (not in those words). Ironically, it was the same day that I booked out tickets to take her to college. I was with her at this moment, checking to see if she received her itinerary. I thought she'd be excited, but it was then, at that very moment, that she realized … this is real. She is going to be away from family. Far away from family. She was unhappy. She was so sad to be going so far away.
All I could do was rub her back and comfort her. This is your dream - you'll be fine. You'll be busy with classes, making new friends, engaged in activities at school and church, but all she heard was "i'll be away from family".
I know she'll be okay - and I'm so glad she had this reality now, and not at the doorstep of college doors on orientation day. I feel for her - she is the oldest, going away first… going far away (and she is my one that never likes to be far away from family).
I'm confident she'll be fine, better than that, she'll thrive and surprise herself and us at how well she'll adjust and do because she always does. She likes to succeed. More importantly I know she has faith and trust her Heavenly Father, and I do too! I know He'll watch over her and keep her on her path.
And, yes, it's not for a few more months! I'm going to take advantage of every minute I can (starting with a "girls only night" tonight) with her, preparing her, strengthening her confidence and trust in herself and in the future and in God's plan.
sweet dreams!
Last night the tears flowed like an unstoppable faucet as she stared into the screen of her computer. The computer was saying, "It's time to register for classes - here is the class catalog - you can start tomorrow (not in those words). Ironically, it was the same day that I booked out tickets to take her to college. I was with her at this moment, checking to see if she received her itinerary. I thought she'd be excited, but it was then, at that very moment, that she realized … this is real. She is going to be away from family. Far away from family. She was unhappy. She was so sad to be going so far away.
All I could do was rub her back and comfort her. This is your dream - you'll be fine. You'll be busy with classes, making new friends, engaged in activities at school and church, but all she heard was "i'll be away from family".
I know she'll be okay - and I'm so glad she had this reality now, and not at the doorstep of college doors on orientation day. I feel for her - she is the oldest, going away first… going far away (and she is my one that never likes to be far away from family).
I'm confident she'll be fine, better than that, she'll thrive and surprise herself and us at how well she'll adjust and do because she always does. She likes to succeed. More importantly I know she has faith and trust her Heavenly Father, and I do too! I know He'll watch over her and keep her on her path.
And, yes, it's not for a few more months! I'm going to take advantage of every minute I can (starting with a "girls only night" tonight) with her, preparing her, strengthening her confidence and trust in herself and in the future and in God's plan.
sweet dreams!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Time is a great healer
I was so upset earlier tonight, and now only 3 hours later, after the kids have gone to sleep and the house is silent so that I have time to reflect, ponder and pray, I am at peace. Thank goodness we have times like this to help keep the crazy moments in check.
It doesn't take long before the frustration transforms back into the true love and caring that we have for our children. We continue with the regular needs/wishes/wants of the day or night and suddenly we feel better. Before you know it you are giving goodnight hugs and kisses, tucking them into bed and telling them how very much you love them (and mean it!)
It's so good to get rid of negative feelings before heading to bed. Peace is so comforting.
It doesn't take long before the frustration transforms back into the true love and caring that we have for our children. We continue with the regular needs/wishes/wants of the day or night and suddenly we feel better. Before you know it you are giving goodnight hugs and kisses, tucking them into bed and telling them how very much you love them (and mean it!)
It's so good to get rid of negative feelings before heading to bed. Peace is so comforting.
So Frustrated when it seems that nobody listens to me...
Why is it that when you are trying to have a somewhat serious conversation your children decide at that time to wack out on every “manners” rule or expectation you have and try every once of your patience. I have two boys that are 4 years apart and for some reason they love to taunt and torment each other in the name of fun and in the name of pain. Sometimes I think it’s just to get me mad, but I know they don’t even think that far ahead about it - they are both just stubborn about getting their way that when one of them taunts the other, the other feels he has to retaliate. We’ve had talks to each of them about not seeking revenge, etc. but it seems to always repeat. I’m so frustrated because I feel I’ve already talked to them BOTH about this several times and yet it has made no impact, no difference, no peace in my life. They still can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves, keep away from each other, keep out of each others personal space, etc. You get the drift! AWE!!!!
So, then I am told - they are just being boys...stay out of it. I do that until I hear one or the other or both cry out (which I knew was coming anyway). That is what gets to me the most, I think. They set themselves up for the predicable and preventable “accident” or pain of someone going “too far”. I’m sick of it!
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