This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Monday, May 2, 1988

May 2, 1988

Dear Betsy,
A lot has happened to me since we talked.  I was put in the psych ward to try the drug lithium.  I was there for a week.  When I cam home, the 2nd day my speech slurred badly.  My friend had to call the psychiatrist.  He had me stop it.
You know I am moving and my Dad and mom are paying $200 of my rent.  I lived here before on Heatherdowns.  Yesterday the church was moving me and I drew a blank.  I didn't know where it was.  I am sure I had another seizure.  I am an epileptic.  I am living at my new apartment with a bed and 2 chairs.  I had to go and get coffee this morning.
I am going to church today.  On the psych ward they lock your things up.  I made some friends.  We all went to see "Short Circuit 2".  Cute movie.  I have to get out more.  I learned that.  This is a hard time of year because it is so hot.
I am going back to the old apartment to get some things.  I had to get more food.  It is hot but I think I'll go and get coffee.  My new phone is …  I miss you.  Are you okay?  I started reading "Dr. Fires."  I went to Mormon church (everyone was shocked).  My hair is so dry and a mess.  I don't know what to do with it.  Next Saturday the church is going to move everything.  Tomorrow I am going to the old apartment to bring things.  I'll go early in the morning.
So how are you doing?  I hope okay.  I would love to see you.  When I called Kirstie to tell her I was going on the psych ward, she said, "No big deal mom."  I was upset.
I got lots of classes especially on depression.  I did very well.  I made friends.  You have to eat together and go and get your medicines.  Everyone was good about my legs.  I made a craft too.  This is the 1st book I have been able to read in ages.  Grandma and Grandpa are bringing me a black and white TV.  I've been out all day.  It is hot.  I'll go out for breakfast tomorrow.  At least I am close to lots of things.  That is good.
I am going to have brown (2) venetian blinds in my living room window - should be nice.  Grandpa supposed to put them up.  They are in the process of moving to a one story condo.  It is brand new and nice.
Everything we moved got drenched.  I have never seen it rain that hard and I was driving alone and couldn't see.  Made it!  My bed was drenched.  The Bishop brought me a mattress I could sleep.
When I got to the hospital, I hit bottom.  I cried the 1st day and almost didn't stay.  I missed Bob and I'm glad I decided to get help.  I have a good psychiatrist (Dr. Torsekar).  You'd like him.  I am on medicine for depression.
The patients helped each other.  I learned I wouldn't go hungry.  I didin't mind it but was glad to come home.
Well, I am out of news.  Hope you are well and happy.  Take care.

All my love,
mom
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