This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Sunday, November 30, 1980

November 30, 1980 Sally

Dear Sally,

It was good to get your letter and the pictures.  I have Burke West working full speed to cancel things.  They claim it can be stopped.  I am waiting for papers now and I sent them back and then Garry gets served.  I can't work because of my feet and legs and have to file for Welfare.  Thank you for all your help.  I'll keep you posted.

Sandy has been out of school 13 weeks Monday with Mono.  She still runs a temp every night and is tired.  She misses you all and CA.

We have a kitten - 12 weeks old Tabby colored and call him Tuttles.  He is a doll.  Sandy adores him.

Well I was really busy around here.  Sandy is still out of school.  She had blood work the other day and her Mono spot is negative.  She still has a temp of 100 or greater every day.  She sees the doctor tomorrow.  She has a tutor 2x a week but is really behind.  She is getting used to being home all the time.  I depend on her.

Garry wants to borrow $7,000 from me since the house sold.  I sent all the papers to West. Garry wants me to carry a 2nd mortgage of $18,500 for 7 years at 13%.  The people put $45,000 down and are assuming our loan.  It is selling for $118,500.  All this has to be agreeable with West.  I'll call him tomorrow.

I plan to go to the Rehabilitation Center and see if I can learn to do something else.  I can't stand 9 hours on my feet.  My ankles and feet swell and get bright red and hurt terrible.  I hold lots of fluid.  It has been cold here lately.  Our apartment is cold but each room has individual thermostat so Sandy can control her room and I can do mine.

Are you ready for Christmas?  I have a hard time getting out with my feet.  We will have a small Christmas.  I still haven't seen then girls.  Garry sent a picture of Kirstie today.  She looks so grown up.  He will be furious when he discovers I am stopping the divorce.

Sandy has really gained her weight.  She is now trying to diet.  She has her days and nights messed up.  Her face is puffy.  She has to get thyroid scan and tests done yet.   We hope and pray all the time.  I must close.  Remember we love you and think of you so often.  Say hello to everyone for us.  Tell Ginny to write Sandy.  I have to get some Christmas shopping done and soon.  Take care.

Love,
Judy and Sandy

Sunday, November 23, 1980

November 23, 1980

Dear Betsy,
I was so happy to get your two letters a day apart.  That was sweet of you.  I want you to have a Rainbow pin with Pot of Gold on it.  I would be proud to have you wear it.  I hope you do enjoy Rainbow Girls there.  Keep active for me and do your work well.

Whis is your dad going to allow you to come see me and Sandy?  I miss you so much and love you dearly.  Do you have a recent picture of you?  If not, have dad take a poloriod one and send it to me.

Mommy's feet are bad and swollen.  I am on antibiotics again and I am going to have to go on Wellfare as Nursing is too hard for me.  Sandy is still out of school.  She has to have tests run this coming week.

I am glad you like school and are doing so well.  Your grades are good.  Don't worry about Spanish.  You can do it!

Sandy can't go to school until she loses her temperature which is 100-101 every night.  Her tummy hurts a lot.  She is on a low fat diet and I am on a low sodium diet and take lots of pills to help me urinate.  My feet are huge and get infected so easily.

Sandy wants to know what Richard Eyer had to say.  How far do you live from him?

Your weight sounds good.  I weigh the same and I am underweight.  I get little exercise now with my feet.  You are going to get taller it looks like.  Sandy is about 5'3" and weighs 115.  She can't do much either in the way of exercise or diet.  She sleeps a lot.

You look nice with long hair.  Sandy is letting hers grow.  I will let mine grow also except it is very short and will take a long time to grow.

Working 7-3:30 really did my legs and feet in.  It is too hard work for me.  I am trying to get some help now andmaybe a different career.  Do you have my book "Joni"?  I am reading the one you read "The Lord is my Strength" on the 13 year old who got so sick.  I'd like to read "Joni" as I need to rebuild my life.

How is Kirstie doing?  Does she practice the flute?

What are you going to sew next?  I miss not sewing.  What color is your winter coat and also Kirsties?  Do you make most of your clothes?

Today, your Dad and I would be married for 17 years.

It is too bad you couldn't go to the Sadie Hawkins dance.  I really used to like them.  I hope Kevin likes you also.  You are almost 15 years old.  That is hard to believe.

I have little money.  I can't work and it takes a long time before you can get money from welfare.  It costs a lot to eat these days.

Grandma and Grandpa are really busy most of the time.  Grandma still works 1-2 days a week.  She said she got a nice letter from you and really enjoyed hearing from you.

Our apartment is small.  I do have the mill up and part of the mixer.  I haven't found everything yet.  Sandy wants toknow where her globe is?  I still make banana nut bread.  Everyone likes it too.  But I always think of you because you and Ginny loved it so much.  You always loved it.

I lost my good watch on the way to work last week.  Just makes me sick.  I am wearing Grandpa Deakin's old one now.  Maybe I will get one for Christmas.

It costs me 75 cents every load of laundry I was and dry.  It adds up quickly.  Sandy wasa a big help to me.  Now she is sick and can't help much.

Now, I must close and get some sleep.  Take care of yourself and take your medicine.  Please remember how much I dearly love  you and miss you.  Write as soon as you can.  I miss you and your letters sure help.  I'll send the Rainbow pin back to you as soon as I can.  I want my daughter to wear it.  I am proud of you.

All my love to you,
Mom (commonly known as mommy)

I LOVE YOU

Tuesday, November 11, 1980

November 11, 1980

Dear Betsy,

I was so sorry to hear I missed your phone call tonight.  I was at a Bible Study.  I go Tuesday evenings.  We got a Tabby kitten who is eight 1/2 weeks old and has his leg in a splint.  He is a cutie.  We call him Tuttles.  We will take some pictures and send them.  I work three days a week now 7-3:30 and my ankles swell terrible from temperature changes.  I float everywhere.  I don't have the good hospital benefits I had before.

I am proud of your school grades.  Keep up the good work.  You have a big load.  Sandy has been out of school eight 1/2 weeks now and they are really piling the work on her.  She has a tutor 2x a week.  I am afraid she will be put back a year.  She still has a temp of over 100-101 nightly and sore glands.

The doctor took my toe nail (big) off Friday and I had infection in my ankles so I am back on antibiotics for two weeks.  I hate an upset stomach.

What do you want for Christmas?  What size tops, dresses or pants do you wear?  I haven't much money but I will try and get you a nice gift.  I love you and miss you.  I hope you are well.  It is really cold here lately.  I love my beautiful good watch from the huge parking lot to the hospital.  I am really upset as I have no other watch with a second hand.

Grandma and Grandpa are OK.  Whay don't you write them?  Grandma Lingel came over and brought some food for us today.  It was the first I have seen her.  I wish you would write me more.

Your foot could be hurting due to the humid climate.  It could be arthritis.  Try taking Ascripton, 2 tables 3 or 4 times a day.  Do you still take Motrin 600?  That should help.  I hope the regular PE isn't too much.  You should be in adaptive.

How is Gretchen?  Do you ever walk her?

Well, it is late and I get up at 4 AM.  Take care.  Please write to me soon.  How is Rainbows?  Remember I love you and really miss you.

All my love,
Mom

Monday, October 27, 1980

Happy Thanksgiving

Dear Betsy and Kirstie,

Hi to my Girls!!  Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.  I am very thankful for you.  Are you having turkey?  It will seem funny not making you one.  I have to keep my feet up all the time so I guess Mom (Grandma) will cook a turkey.  I couldn't afford one anyway.  Everything costs so much.

Grandpa's birthday is Nov. 26th.  He will be 63 years old.  He looks good.  He will go to Bill Knapp's for his birthday.  They will give him 63% off his dinner.

We are due for snow flurries by tomorrow.  I don't look forward to it.  Sandy is anxious to see it.  It isn't too cold here yet but it will be soon.

On Thanksgiving, please say a blessing and count your blessings and thank your Heavenly Father for them.  Please say your prayers.  Remember I love you both and always will.  Are you happy?  Have a good Thanksgiving.  Take care.  I would call but I can't afford it now.  I love you and miss you.

All my love,
Mommy and Sandy

Wednesday, October 22, 1980

October 22, 1980

Dear Betsy and Kirstie,

Hope you are both well.  Sandy is still sick.  Her temp is 101.8 tonight and this is her fifth week out of school.  She is really tired and her tummy hurts.

Grandma has a birthday, Friday 24th and Grandma Lingel's is the 27th.  Sandy never gets to go out now.

Last night the temperature dropped to 27 degrees and surprised everyone.  It reached a high of 57 degrees today.  I haven't worked in two weeks.  I am going to work part time because I am so tired.  My feet and legs are bad.  I don't know how we'll manage to live but God will have to help.  So much has happened in the way of illness with me and Sandy.  then Grandpa Deakin died so suddenly.  I hope you know and realize how much I miss you and love you both.  Please write me.  I really love you dearly.

All my love,
Mommy

Friday, October 10, 1980

October 10, 1980

Dear Betsy,

I hope you are well and happy.  I am so sorry you couldn't come see me in Toledo.  I really wanted to see you.  It has been seven months now since I saw you.   I had hoped you would write to me.  Sandy has been sick with mono.  She has missed three weeks of school so far.  She can't do her algebra so she may have to drop it.  I work nights now (11-7:30 AM) and it is hard on me because I have trouble sleeping in the day time.  I have thought of looking for another job with less pay and benefits and may do that.

Grandpa Deakin died suddenly without suffering September 27.  It was a shock to us all.  We had to make all the arrangements.  He looked very nice and peaceful.  We had a Masonic Service for him and a Memorial service the next day.  Uncle Dick and Aunt Judy flew here for the funeral service.  So did Aunt Marian, Margaret, Ruth and Murray.  It has been 20 years or more since I saw them.  I rode in the 1st car.  The Eastern Stars had a dinner (luncheon) after our trip to the cemetery.  The family was there.  Sandy couldn't go because of her mono.  Sandy saw the doctor and her liver is enlarged and she has to stay some more and be on a strict low fat diet.  She thinks you look like a model.  So you sew all your clothes.  I am proud of you.  I don't have a machine and miss one.  Sandy still needs clothes.  She has to have a winter coat also.  I work long hours at the hospital.  I do mostly cancer nursing.  It is hard to do but I enjoy the patients and their families.  Well, I will close.  Oh, Mimi got lose and ran away but after two days someone found her five miles from home.  She can't hear anymore and is almost 15 years old.  I think she has diebetes.  I love you dearly.

Love,
Mom

Friday, September 5, 1980

September 5, 1980

Dear Betsy,

I imagine you are getting anxious to move.  I hope I can see you when you come.  Grandma and Grandpa would love to see you also.  How is school?  Sandy started yesterday and she already has a lot of homework.  I am now working the night shift 11-7:30 am.  I go to bed between 12-1 PM and get up at 5 or 6 PM and eat supper.

Sandy runs lots of errands for me.  She is on a diet.  She wants to be thin like you.  My knee still has a scab and will leave a scar.  I can't swim now becasue I got athletes foot really bad.  I didn't get to see your dad when he brought the car.  I was asleep.  Sand saw him for three hours.  What do you want for Christmas? Mommy has not much money as I lost time from work and no pay.  Why don't you write me?  I miss your letters.  Don't you love me.  Please try and write me.  Is Kirstie okay?  She never writes.  Do you still sew all the time?  I am glad you have the machine.  I have to go and use Grandma's when I need one.  I am starting to knit again.  My left hand is almost well.  I am thankful.  Please tell dad how much I want the Mormon books.  I bought most all of them and I want to read them.  He has all the other books.  Well, I hope you are well.  Please remember I love you.  I gave you life and you are precious to me.  I love you.

All my love,
Mom

Tuesday, August 12, 1980

August 13, 1980

Dear Betsy,

Thank you so much for your nice card. It came a few days ago.  I am still unable to work and do very much.  I see the doctor today and get the stitches out.  I am on 12 antibiotic pills a day.  Sandy is taking four a day because she had staph and strep in her throat.  This is her last day and I have one month more to go.  They sure are hard on my tummy.  I have to take a lot of Benadryl and it makes me sleepy.

Sandy is on an exercise program and beauty treatment.  She needs to lose weight.  She things you should be a model.

We are eating only what food we have as much as can be.  I'll be glad to get some food storage here.  It is hard not getting a pay check for a long time.

We had eight loads of laundry to do and three loads yet to go.  It costs $.75 per load and only one washer and dryer.

Sandy was glad to get her bike but the tire is always flat.  She goes to the store almost every day for something.  She has been a big help.  I was in the hospital for eight days.  I hope my leg soon heals and I can work and go back to swimming every day.  We had to get ice here all the time to cool my feet.

I am out of room.  Remember I love you very much.  Hope I can see you soon.  I miss you.  (My pen blotched the letter).  Write me soon.  Remember I love you.

Love,
Mom

Sunday, July 27, 1980

July 27, 1980

Dear Betsy,

Well, here I am in the hospital in bed with my legs raised up.  I have four doctors and have a horrible left knee.

Just saw 2 doctors.  They started antibiotics, x-rays, etc.  It is a staph infection in the pre-pattelar bursa; very unusual.  I can't go home for awhile.  Sandy is at Grandma's.  I see very little of her since this happened.  They drew seven tubes of blood again today.

I hope you are well.  Are you anxious to move?  I bet you will find many new friends.  You made a darling outfit for Sandy bit is it way too small.  You sew very well.  I wonder if the outfit will fit Sandy.

I am very tired here and have trouble staying awake.  I really slept last night.  I hope you are enjoying your summer vacation.  I wish I could see you.  It has been four 1/2 months since I saw you.  How is Gretchen?  Does she get her walks?  Please write me.  Remember I love you so much and miss you.  Hugs and kiss Kirstie special for me.  Write as soon as you can.  I love you and miss you.

Love,
Mom

Thursday, July 24, 1980

July 24, 1980

Dear Betsy, Sandy and Kirstie,

I hope that you are all well and happy.  I wish you would write me.  I sure miss you.  Don't you miss me?  I look every day for mail.  Thank you for writing, Betsy.  Sister Mower wrote and Sister Gould send three patterns for Christmas Gifts.  I have a place to live but very little money.

I will try to type again with this typewriter.  Tonight Joyce is taking me to the York Steak House for supper.  It is cool and cloudy also which I dearly love.  The heat makes me worse.  Another friend, Millie, is coming over this afternoon and we may go to the mall with the wheel chair.  This Saturday the handicapped will take me where ever I want to go between 5:30 and 11 pm.  They will take your child or friend also free of charge.  It is a great service.  Two weeks ago they took me to the Mall.  Joyce is taking me to Franklin Park Mall tonight after we eat.  I haven't been out much because of the heat but today is perfect and I thank God for a day like today.  I am still reading The Wildest Heart.  It is very good only I am so lonely.    I am knitting also and trying to do some cross-stitch embroidery for a dresser scarf.  I saw Aunt Ida last night and she gave me some old issues of Better Homes and Garden to look at to pass the time.  I reduced my thyroid to a yellow one.  Sandy, do you still take your thyroid?  I hope so.  You need to take it.  Are you going to watch the Royal Wedding on TV?  It should be history to see for all of you.  I have your animals on my bed all the time either when it is made or while I am sleeping.  They are so precious to me.  I wash all my dishes by hand but I have paper plates and cups for Millie so it doesn't cost me any money.  When are you coming to see  me?  You can come anytime.  I want to see you so much that I can't even begin to tell you or show you.  I really miss all of you and want you to know that I love you dearly.  Sally Mower sent me bread from California.  It is my favorite.  Marie Gould calls about once a month.  I use your coffee mugs everyday, Sandy and thing of you all the time.  How come you can't write me?  Don't you want to or don't you love me as you did before.  I have to decide on an apartment soon and the same size one or bigger.  I wish you would write me -- all of you.  I miss not hearing from you.  I go to the mail box every day after he comes and there is no letter from any of you.  I hope you are doing okay.  Betsy are you on any different medication now?  How are you all enjoying Shirley being there?  I bet it is fun.  This is a hard typewriter to use.  It is electric and  I borrowed it from All Saints.  My bottom is still sore from the bipsies but better.

Well, I am out of news.  Grandma is still on a bland diet and feels better than she did a week ago.  She stopped coffee.  I eat a lot of fruit and love it.  Well, I really must close and change clothes before Millie comes.

Please … PLEASE WRITE ME … PLEASE.  I also do word games like you do Sandy.  They are fun but I miss being all alone.  Remember that I love you all dearly and miss you.

All my love,
Your mom