This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Thursday, April 23, 1987

April 23, 1987

Dear Betsy,
I am lonely today and heard my song "You Light Up My Life" on the radio.  I cried.  I miss you so much.  Sandy called collect from Ogden yesterday afternoon.  She sounds happy.  Mark leaves for San Diego on Saturday and she will soon be in Virginia.  Is she planning on working?
Bob came over for breakfast.  I fixed some sausage, 2 poached eggs and 2 pieces banana bread.  I forgot to give him the sausage.  That wasn't too brilliant.  I'll heat it up later.
I played the violin for the past 2 days.  I am really rusty.  I'll probably keep trying through.
I have 3 loads of laundry to do.  I dread the thought.  It is so hot in there.  It makes my feet and legs a mess.  I am still getting light headed.  My BP is low.  I do eat well.  I have gained up to 125#.
My curly hair has grown and I don't know what to do.  It looks a mess.  I had it thinned and that helped.  I could let it grow again and have it look a mess for awhile.  I  could get it cut really short and permed a  curly perm.  It would be easy to care for.
I went to church on Easter Eve and for Easter.  It was so pretty.  I had never been to a church like that.  I was getting up at 6 or 7 AM now.  I wake up early but I just lay in bed.  I know I am low on potassium.  I take a lot a day.
Bob wants me to come back to him forever.  I really don't know what I want.  I love him very much and he is good times.  He even bought a new queen bed.  We each had a twin since we moved here 1 1/2 years ago.  I do miss him a lot.  I also like my little apartment and privacy so I am confused.  I read a lot and it passes time.  Why don't you call me some morning before  8 AM (when it gets expensive)  I'll hear the phone.  I never know when to call you.  I miss our talks.  I am grateful for your letters and memories.  It is so sad I had to get so sick so fast.  I feel I lost you and failed you and I can't share your joys and sorrows.  I love you very much.  I hope you know that.  I was so thrilled to have you.  You were a wonderful joy.  I had you all day every day up those mountains.  I used to rock you for so long in my rocker.  When Sandy was born I still rocked you too.  Then when I fed Sandy you would feed your doll in your little rocker.  Those were the good ole days.
I took Bob Tuesday to get groceries.  We each spent $35.  It sure adds up fast.  My cat needed litter and food.  Yesterday, I spent $10 more.  I had to get all the groceries.
I took a Family Circle cancer risk.  That is terrible.  I eat well too.  I drink more than 2 cups of coffee every day.  Nurses love coffee.
My little cat, Kelly is a lot of company.  She is so pretty and lovable.  She sits in the window a lot.  Everyone sees her.
Well, I will close now.  You are always in my thoughts and prayers.  Remember, I love you honey.

All my love,
Mom
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