This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Tuesday, November 10, 1987

November 10, 1987

Dear Betsy,
Hi!  Sandy sent your pictures and letter on Friday.  I love the pictures.  I put htem in my photo album.  You are really pretty and so is Kirstie.  I could use even a little of your boobs.  I lost out on them.
Sandy and Mark sound desparate for money.  Markel is fine.  I think Mark is looking for jobs.  Sandy is working.  She called to see if I have any money and I can't help.  I only get $360 a month for social security and that is it.  I hope they can work something out.  It cost me of $700 to go to Utah.
I read in the morning and watch TV soaps in the afternoon.  I like "Young and Restless".  Aunt Ida lives for it.  It is an hour she can't miss.  I like "Bold and Beautiful" and "General Hospital."
My teeth are in bad shape.  I think I am going to have one tooth pulled out and I hate too.  My teeth hurt all the time.  They are so sensitive.
Bob has been in and out of the hospital 25 out of 30 days for really high BP.  He is home now and on lots of medicine.  I help him a lot.  We are separated.
My cat is fine.  She has doubled her food intake but still nice size.  I love her.  She sleeps with me.   Oh remember the stuffed Siamese cat you gave me when you were 12.  Well, it is on my bed and she knocked it over the other day.  She must think it is real.  She is so cute.
It is cold here.  I am trapped inside.  It's the wind chill.  I sit all day on a pillow case on the floor.  It keeps my feet cook but very uncomfortable.  My back aches a lot.

Next day
My dad is getting my groceries for me.  They make a big deal out of it.  They never come see me.  They are too busy.  Do you realize Christmas is almost here?  I need to do a little shopping.  I don't even know your sizes.  My mother was just 68.  You are the only grandchild who remembered her.  I am proud of you!!
Tomorrow it is supposed to be 50-55 so I can get out a little.  I am on a diet I have a huge bulge below my waist and it stays there since I am immobile and can't exercise.  I gained 8# in less than 2 months.  The doctor increased my thyroid.  Plus I was on a medicine for my feet and legs that can cause weight gain so I stopped it.  I am no longer on antidepressants.  I just wish I were healthy and no problems.  I must have inherited all bad genes.  I work on my journal at times.  Do you write in one?
Well, I don't have much news.  I hope you are well and happy.  Tell Kermon I said "HI".  When are you going to come and see me?  I miss you.  Remember, I love you, honey, so very much.  If my health had survived and I had stayed with the Mormon church in California, I strongly believe your dad and I would have made it.  November 23 we would have been married since 1963 - 24 years.  The other night when I was trying to sleep, all I could think about was how we met, dated, marriage, etc.  I have always loved him.  I regret what happened.  I am no longer angry, bitter, etc.  He will always have a place in my heart.
Well, I want to get this mailed soon.  Take care, honey, and write me.
Thanks again for the pictures.  I love you.

All my love,
Mom
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