This is my mother. She left me when I was just 14 years old. I saw her a few times from teenage through the typical college years (although I didn’t have typical college years) and then she passed away before I married or had children. She was a wonderful woman that I know I would talk to her often if she were alive, but I really never got the chance.

The most current entries are things I would tell her and only her ... because they aren’t meant to be heard, just vented (if she were alive). The majority of this blog are letters she wrote to me (and a few to my sisters) during the years that we were apart.

Wednesday, November 18, 1987

November 18, 1987

Dear Betsy,
I got your nice letter yesterday.  I am glad you are happy.  I am really concerned about Sandy. That is one reason I couldn't move there.  Sandy wasn't certain she and Mark would stay in Provo more than a year.  Well, I would have been there all alone.  I couldn't afford to move there.  I hope Mark gets a better job.  She says Markel is really growing.  She is so pretty.  I feel so helpless for Sandy.
Did I tell you my back was really hurting me?  It hasn't been bad since 1976.  I went to an orthopedic doctor on Monday.  He examined me and got x-ray.  He showed me the x-rays and shook his head.  Well, my degenerative disc disease of L5S1 is really bad.  He can no longer do a fusion or inject the space with cortisone.  I have to take a very potent medicine called Feldene.  In 5-10 years I will be stiff.  He said he was sorry but nothing can really be done.  The medicine he gave can cause ulcers so I have to be very careful.  The medicine is good and helps the pain.  I guess my body is aging too fast.  He said I was very young for all that back trouble.
Next day
Maybe when winter is over can could meet 1/2 way.  I may be able to drive that far.  It would be so good to see you.  I couldn't afford a motel for long but I'd love to be with your again.
Sounds like your party was a success.  I used to love to entertain.
I think Aunt Ida is getting me an electric can opener for Christmas.  My parents may get me a small microwave.  I hope.
Kelly is my buddy.  You'd love her but would probably have an attack from her.  She sleeps with me.
It is cold here but sunny.  I read a lot.  My back is worse when it is so cold and damp.  I like dreary days thought because the don't hurt my feet so much.
I have to sit on the floor most of the day.  It is cooler down there.  I keep the heat on but crack the window open for my feet.
My ortho doctor also wants me to get hydrotherapy for my back.  He is afraid it may hurt my feet because the water is warm.  He said a back brace wouldn't help now.  I used to wear one.  I hated the thing.  It is so uncomfortable.
Bob wants to take me out to eat this afternoon.  It is a hard decision.  I'd like a good meal but that w/c weighs 50#.
I bought some eggnog and I heat it every night and drink a cup.  I love it.  I also love McDonald's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit for breakfast.  I would like those gift certificates.
My Christmas list for you is enclosed.  I don't expect you to buy me much.  All I need is your love.
Remember, honey I love you very much and I miss you and Kirstie.  I wish Kirstie would write me.  I am so glad you do.  It means so much to me.  Well, I will close.

All my love,
Your mom
I love you!!!

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