April 30, 1981 Sally

Dear Sally,

Sorry I haven't written but I have had a bad attitude most of the time.  I have been in this apartment since I left the hospital Jan. 10th and now they want to admit me again.  The reason I am typing this is because I have a palsy in my right hand like I had in the left hand last year.  I borrowed this typewriter from a friend and it is electric and I never took typing so excuse the mistakes.  We have not been well and I just finished with intestinal flu and fever.  Sandy and I both had bad colds.  She is on antibiotics and missed a lot of school.  Her grades are terrible and she doesn't care.  She really sasses me a lot and I can no longer exercise, etc.  I am in the wheel chair all the time.  It is really depressing.  My toe nail is gone on the other toe now and infected and won't heal.  I was on antibiotics for a month and it didn't help because no blood supply to the feet.  I pray for a miracle.  I want to come back to CA and go to the big Clinic.  I have to wait for the divorce hearing on April 27.  I never hear from Garry.  Betsy writes a lot.  I really miss her.  She was so thrilled because you called her on her birthday.  That was so nice of you.  Kirstie never writes me and I didn't even get a birthday card or present from her.  I am on Welfare and food stamps.  I can't afford this apartment.  I need money despareately to start May with.  Garry sends me nothing.  I signed up to sell Shaklee but it is hard to do from the apartment.  I really don't have many friends.  My parents are a help with errands.  Laundry costs a dollar per load and it adds up.  They left for Dallas Monday for a couple of weeks.  I decided not to enter the hospital then because they were going to stay home.  They need a break and wanted to see my brother.  I would like to, have my legs amputated and wear artifical legs.  I see so many advantages to it but the doctors say it is too drastic to do.  But they don't live with this and have all the problems and medications that upset my stomach.  I have to keep the apartment cool to cold.  It is to freeze tonight and was 80 a few days ago.  I think the palsy and this are related.  I am vegetating away.  I can't eat because all I do is sit.  I try to read but end up watching TV.  I stay up late at night and get up early.  I am supposed to get Social Security and disability.  I have all the papers to fill out.  I am dissappointed in the church here.  They don't come around and I can't ask for help because they live so far apart.  The Bishop never contacts me and he said he would.  I  can't go to church but I don't think he believes me.  I would like to regain my temple recommend but he says I have to go to the meetings or else get a written excuse from a doctor.  That made me mad because it is so different in CA.  My mother says their would be no one to help me if I returned to CA.  I said my friends and church would.  My own relatives don't even help and when they do they complain for days I would love to live in Utah and be active in church.  I love the Salt Lake City area.  It has so many memories.  I know we get there or CA somehow.  I still have my faith.  I read my scriptures every day and it is comforting.  I would love the tapes for Jesus the Christ.  I watched the movie Peter and Paul on TV tonight.  It was good.  I would like the Church News but at this time I can't afford it.  I really need a blessing.  Please write me Dale Christenson's address.  I miss you and Mike so much and Marie.  She calls me and I really love that.  Can you think of a way for me to get to CA and where could I live.  I thought that if the divorce ends and I could buy a trailer there for Sandy and me we could manage.  How much are they?  Is there low  income housing there and apartments for the handicap?  I hate being so inactive.  I have to take a laxatives and eat harsh foods and they hurt my stomach because of all the pills I take.  The children sound so grown up.  I am glad you spend your time with them.  It shows and you are a fine example of a mother.  I realy you all and regret that I never was active like I should have been.  Could you do me a favor and send me some bread .  I like Orowheat's Honey Wheat berry bread